Hello and happy November

Hello and welcome!

BlondeRagdoll said:

I also finally realised I am asexual which brings about its own difficulties being in a relationship with a heterosexual and neurotypical individual.

Sadly, that can be a reality that we find out those things at the wrong time. My wife and I have had a similar challenge come up in our marriage, but we’re trying our best to compromise in order to keep it together. Just wanted to let you know that you’re not alone in that struggle.

Masking causes burnout. It's the pressure you put yourself under.

Be kind to yourself and if you can stop worrying about other people so much and worry about you. Think of what you would like. When properly regulated you should be able to more, think more clearly and make some plans.

I have oscillations of hope and regret, sadness and then clarity, tears and ambivalence. But I am finding myself, and my fragility is starting to go.

One interesting thing is I have squinted a bit for a long time (many years), I found out it's stress. For a few months, now my eyes look normal.

I too have been analysing a lot. Learning about neurodiversity and getting a diagnosis has begun to lead to some sort of clarity about why I am the way I am. Masking is very interesting and learning about it makes me see how much I have been doing it throughout my life. It might also explain why I feel burned out, always putting on that face to fit in. I look forward to reading your post. 

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Thank you. I am glad I discovered and joined here. It's comforting, like my lazy cat  

Hello, happy November.

Contradictions and confusion is part of it. You are not alone.

Being easily led is probably part of masking. Sensory differences can make intimacy strange too.

If you have fight flight active and your nervous system doesn't feel safe, even if you know you are, it will get in the way.

I have spent a lot of time recently analysing my life. I have managed to derive a lot of masking behaviours from first principles. I will post a new thread on this, may be longish, maybe tonight.

It is a topic that confuses everyone, including me, but is very useful once understood.

Thank you. The first step is very hard, everything right now feels like a huge effort. Lots of things have been happening in a short space of time and with masking as well I feel burned out. But I am willing to try! 

BlondeRagdoll said:

One of my biggest struggles is this huge contradiction; I feel crippling lonliness yet at the same time get so anxious at the thought of meeting people. I feel like I can't connect to people, including family.

I get this. 

I suspect you are not in a good headspace at the moment with the separation and everything which could be leaving you craving the human contact, the closeness of having someone with you. At the same time you probably don't have the capacity to deal with other peoples issues that go with socialising so you find yourself in limbo.

If you are looking for advice, I would say to get a therapist who really understands autism and work through your issues with them. They are only going to be there for about an hour per session so the hassle it very lime limited, but they should be able to explain things in a way  that works for you and help you work out how you really feel about things.

With this and your autistic traits in mind they should be able to build a therapy plan with you to help you tackle the things you want to, to find a peace with yourself and ways to get what you want/need without feeling bad about it.

When I was able to take that first step to getting help it made such a difference.

These are just my thoughts and opinions, I hope something is of use amongs these.

HiBlondeRagdoll and welcome. (⁠•⁠‿⁠•⁠)

That mix of feeling lonely but also anxious about socialising is something I can relate to.

I can also relate to finding relationships difficult being autistic can make understanding and communicating emotions feel quite complicated.

It’s nice that you have your cat for company. I have a cat too. Animals can be such a comfort.

I’m glad you’ve joined here it really does help to be around people who understand.

Happy November to you too.