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Hello and happy November

BlondeRagdoll

Hello there,

I am new to this forum and am hoping  to possibly connect with people that may have similar struggles to those I have. I was diagnosed with ADHD earlier this year and whilst I haven't had a formal autism diagnosis (I moved county and as such my assessments were cancelled halfway through completion due to area funding) I have taken the stance to self diagnose. I haven't got it in me yet to begin the process of diagnosis again after months of waiting. I have struggled with bouts of depression and crippling anxiety (particularly social) since as long as I can remember and it was the numerous trips to mental health professionals that first suggested I am autistic. 

I am married but sadly because of my struggles my husband and I are separated. Marriage never felt right but I suppose you could say I am easily led if other people seem happy for me even if I don't. I also finally realised I am asexual which brings about its own difficulties being in a relationship with a heterosexual and neurotypical individual.  My marriage lasted 16 months. 

One of my biggest struggles is this huge contradiction; I feel crippling lonliness yet at the same time get so anxious at the thought of meeting people. I feel like I can't connect to people, including family. Outside of work I don't speak to anyone except myself and my cat and I worry that I will become a bitter old lady because socialising is just so difficult. It feels at times like I am the only person in the world that feels like this but I know I can't be. 

I don't mean to sound 'woe be me', I am voicing thoughts and struggles which someone may resonate with. 

On a more uplifting note, hello everyone and happy November Blush 

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  • BlondeRagdoll said:
    One of my biggest struggles is this huge contradiction; I feel crippling lonliness yet at the same time get so anxious at the thought of meeting people. I feel like I can't connect to people, including family.

    I get this. 

    I suspect you are not in a good headspace at the moment with the separation and everything which could be leaving you craving the human contact, the closeness of having someone with you. At the same time you probably don't have the capacity to deal with other peoples issues that go with socialising so you find yourself in limbo.

    If you are looking for advice, I would say to get a therapist who really understands autism and work through your issues with them. They are only going to be there for about an hour per session so the hassle it very lime limited, but they should be able to explain things in a way  that works for you and help you work out how you really feel about things.

    With this and your autistic traits in mind they should be able to build a therapy plan with you to help you tackle the things you want to, to find a peace with yourself and ways to get what you want/need without feeling bad about it.

    When I was able to take that first step to getting help it made such a difference.

    These are just my thoughts and opinions, I hope something is of use amongs these.

  • in reply to Iain

    Thank you. The first step is very hard, everything right now feels like a huge effort. Lots of things have been happening in a short space of time and with masking as well I feel burned out. But I am willing to try! 

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