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Diagnosed this year at 38

Naruto_2025

Hi,

I was diagnosed earlier this year. I feel like I may of hit the depression stage of diagnosis. At first I was pleased to be able to understand myself more, to finally feel like there wasn't anything wrong with me. 

A lot of it comes from the lack of care after, In the sense of family almost shrugged it off "you're just you", "would never of guessed you were autistic, you were just you.".

It was instantly forgotten about, never discussed again, no "what can we do to help?"

I'm also struggling to get professional help as I work full time and everything is in the week during the day (Which I get).

Then I'll be so burnt out from work, I can't find the energy to read the information provided to help me. Plus I'll be so completely burnt out that all hobbies that bring me joy are not possible.

Lastly, I haven't learned to unmask. I am work, Husband, Son and who ever i have to adapt around. i honestly wish I could be a hermit for a year, just to shut down and recharge.

  • in reply to Naruto_2025

    It is good your wife is so supportive and understanding. There are so many good books on autism as well as films to help you discover more. 

  • in reply to LucyLandRover

    I've not read that, I'll give a read thank you.

    My wife does well with her side of the family, I would often get comments of "you ok, you look tired". She's now explained how autistic burnout works. I may look exhausted, non verbal and in "robot mode", but doesn't mean I'm not happy in everyone's company

  • Hello,

    I too, was diagnosed at 38 and am still learning about my diagnosis all the time. Have you read the wonderful article in Your Autism magazine on trauma as this really does explain a lot about how we struggle and the harm it causes? I too, had little understanding from my family and have experienced far more from complete strangers. 

  • in reply to Naruto_2025

    Ayyyy! Grin 

    Indeed it is, awww don't beat yourself up too much dude, especially about chores! it's tough being an adult! Just take your time with it, thats what helps me

  • in reply to Experiment626

    indeed the anime Grin "It's my ninja way".

    It's been a tough lesson to learn, being kind to myself. tend to beat myself up a lot if I don't get chores done or spend time doing the things I enjoy

  • I relate to you about being relieved/happy to know that it was being Autistic all along. I've been there about being burnt out as well it must be very draining & a constant struggle. 

    Kind of relate about family as well, but I think it takes time for them to accept it or not & its education about Autism as well. Also I think its advocating for yourself as well, I think? When you're really struggling & they don't understand which is true cos they're not autistic themselves, so it's making the safe space for yourself & communicating that to them. That's just my suggestion, as I am also learning as I go along. Plus I know that communication in relationships is hugely important.

    As for hobbies, I do hope that you're able to do your hobbies when u can, despite being burnt out & like what Mr T said, its learning to be kind to yourself & going through stages of grief. It won't be easy at the start being kind to yourself but keep doing it, for me it was for small things like I didn't get out of bed, I tell myself "it's ok, your body is tired & needs to recover", didn't do laundry "it's OK, try & do one load tomorrow" didn't brush my teeth, I do mouthwash instead. That kind of stuff. 

    Saw Naruto in the name, the anime right? "We are Fighting! Dreamers!" 

  • in reply to Naruto_2025

    I get you with that. I was in my early fifties when I got the diagnosis. So I had a whole lifetime to unpick and come to terms with. To some extent I still am.

    Now I don't beat myself up about the past although I did go through the grief stage and it was hard.

  • in reply to Mr T

    Thank you :). I've felt broken since age 13. It's proving difficult to rewire my thoughts from "you're broken, there's something wrong with you", and I guess when enough people say things like that to you its all you'll believe. 

  • Welcome to the 'Latelings' club. Unfortunately nobody tells you what to do after a diagnosis and it can feel like torture. You need to take your time to work through the change cycle. it may take months or years. Do your research and a bit of reading around the subject.

    The most important thing is to be kind to oneself, realise you are NOT broken but just different.