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Driving and Autism

Silver Fox

Dear Autistic friends

I am a neuro typical woman with a partner who very much seems to have ASD, although he will never examine this or go there himself. We have a 14-year-old boy who is not autistic. 

My partner only learnt how to drive after turning 50. He's now 57. He does seem to struggle with the multi tasking required and gets very stressed. I think he especially struggles with judging speed and distance, taking corners too fast, reading road signs, and directions. Omg his stress about where he is heading is through the roof.

The problem is, I find his driving genuinely worrying. I have been driving myself for 40 years. He very much does not want me to express my stress because this makes him more stressed and that just makes it worse. He becomes abusive and shouts at me, telling me to shut up etc. He makes me sit in the back and makes our son navigate for him, then gets stressed when that goes wrong!

Basically this is a family problem. Am I wrong to put his driving problems down to potential ASD? Does anyone here have problems driving and if so what are the challenges? 

Parents

  • Surely a Sat Nav or just using Waze on a smart phone is the way to go - can't understand why no one uses them if going to anywhere new.

    I like to drive reasonably fast and have absolutely no problem with sense of direction.  I prefer to be driving rather than a passenger .  I guess you're not a silent passenger - so are your own actions helping or making the situation worse ?

    Being Autistic doesn't guarantee your offspring would be ND so you're son can't be a guide as to whether your partner is Autistic or not

    There could be other things other than potential ASD at play here - and the only way to say its ASD or not is to be assessed - and you can't make them do that.  So seems like you'll never know if they don't wish to go for assessment

  • in reply to Jalapeno

    Hello. Yes we always use a Sat Nav. No I'm not a silent passenger. Generally I'm terrified and shouting things like "slow down" or "you can't go up there it's one-way!" Not sure I understand your point about my son? He's not autistic. Not basing the assumption that my partner is autistic on him at all, more partner's behaviour and the things he struggles with. I agree with you about him needing an assessment. To be honest, I've only just considered his problems with driving might be down to ASD, hence posting here. Thanks for taking the time to get back to me. 

  • in reply to Silver Fox
    Silver Fox said:
    No I'm not a silent passenger. Generally I'm terrified and shouting things

    How well does your partner cope when you're not in the car? Is he more relaxed when he's on his own? It can be hard to focus when driving if someone is shouting at you.

    Perhaps his driving is reasonably average but you have above-average anxiety.

  • in reply to Silver Fox

    I didn't say you were an abuser, just what I'd do in your partners situation, or what I'd do in yours, if you truely believe your partner is dangerous then why do you let him drive your child around? Why do you get in a car with him? 

    One of the things I found out the other day from my step son, is how poorly so many people are taught to drive. A few of his friends have recently learnt to drive, and they've not been taught things like hill starts, slowing down through the gears, how to use the handbrake instead of riding the gears, they keep rolling backwards at traffic lights because they, understandably can't keep the gears at biting point. Some have been told that you can't change gear boxes in modern cars, one didn't know what the handbrake was for, none of them know how to parrallel park as they've only been taught to park in car parks, they've not been taught to reverse around corners. Most of them don't really understand the basics like mirror, signal manouver, they will pull out in front of others because they believe that other have to get out of thier way.

    If this is true and I've no reason to disbelieve him then it's absolutely shocking and dangerous, maybe you could gently ask your partner how he was taught? 

  • in reply to Damojo

    Yea I hear that. Yea he has had accidents. He seems insulted when I won't get in the car with him and as a family it's not really that simple. I'm not absolving myself of responsibility here. But I'm not taking the flak for the entire situation either. I don't think it's a very straightforward situation! Thanks though. I've had lots of useful insights and tips. Glad I posted here. 

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  • in reply to Damojo

    Yea I hear that. Yea he has had accidents. He seems insulted when I won't get in the car with him and as a family it's not really that simple. I'm not absolving myself of responsibility here. But I'm not taking the flak for the entire situation either. I don't think it's a very straightforward situation! Thanks though. I've had lots of useful insights and tips. Glad I posted here. 

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