Hi, newly diagnosed, no idea what to do next

Dam 5 yrs  soz abt dat but like I’d say go out & make friends if ya can or like art therapy’s fun when they don’t ask a bunch of random ahh questions so like main advice is don’t let da dum label “autistic” define ya ur u not some medical like label thingy & if ya havnt found ya self yet then that’s like ur next step ig glll!! 

Welcome, Piper.

Hope you enjoy your stay.

Hi, I can relate! I experienced a lot of mixed feelings and feelings of imposter syndrome initially. It’s been 3 years now since I’ve been diagnosed and I’m still figuring things out but I do think I understand myself better. 
There’s no simple one size fits all answer to your question ‘what do I do now?’- it is up to you! But I think it’s important to remember that you are still the same person that you were before diagnosis and there is no rush to ‘do anything’ .  In fact you don’t have to ‘do anything’ unless you want to and I think at least for me coming to terms with what being autistic means happened gradually over time. 
in terms of your question around masking and trying to unmask, I think it is important to remember that even though masking can be detrimental and exhausting it is in a way also serving a function and can protect us from unwanted attention and standing out. There are good reasons why we may feel we need to mask and it’s not always safe to let the mask drop unfortunately- at the very least it can be confusing for people, if they have know the masked you all their lives. That doesn’t mean I’m not for unmasking and trying to be yourself more- i do think I mask less since my diagnosis as I’m much more aware of it. It’s hard to predict other people’s reaction to the unmasked you and you probably have a better sense of how safe it might be to do so in certain situations. But it’s not like you can’t mask anymore now. and it’s not an all or nothing thing either- ie completely masked vs completely unmasked- I think it’s a spectrum and you can also just relax the mask a little around some small things. I think what does really help is to at least create some time where you can be yourself. For me I think I really tried to be myself much more when it comes to friends because there is really not much point if I completely exhaust myself to mask to connect only to then have the other person become friends with the masked me. I wish we lived in a world where it was safe to unmask everywhere but sadly in my experience that’s not true. So I don’t think you need to put yourself under pressure to unmask especially at work etc. I think it helps to be aware that you are doing it and that it can contribute to fatigue. Over time I think you will figure out more ways to relax it a little or to find some more time where you can let that mask drop. the first step is noticing it is happening and I think these things take time to figure out and it’s not always a conscious thing. 

I hope you don’t feel too much under pressure to ‘do something’ now that you have the diagnosis. You can take your time to process and I think you will gain more insights into what works for you. Fingers crossed! 

Know the feeling… 

At least we now have others like us to help.

Nice to meet you too. I was interested to hear about your parents' record & CD shop. I also saw Bowie perform live, in 1978.

I have also played two of the Lego games, the star wars & Harry Potter ones. But they gave me a painful arm and shoulder through continually pressing the X button! I prefer games where you use the triggers for combat.

Thanks for your interest in my film club idea - I see you replied on that thread so I look forward to seeing a review from you.

Glad to hear that you feel like you fit in here - welcome to the home of your neurokin!

Thanks Piper I think so, hopefully it will be ok and appreciate the support 

Thank you. Yes the wait was crazy, way longer than I thought it would but it was worth it in the end. There were times where I was worried I had dropped off the list somehow, I did call up a couple of times, just to be sure I hadn't accidentally been removed from the list. Luckily all was ok, it was just slow.

Congrats on your own diagnosis! I hope you feel you don't have to mask as much now, it's good you have people you have disclosed to, people who you can talk to if you need to. I think it's so important to have a support network, even if it's just one person. I can't tell my parents, they would never understand but my sister is a potential person to try and talk to about it. As for people at work, I've no idea if I could tell anyone there. I don't know how they would react about it.

I've already found it helpful tbh, just this afternoon and evening, meeting you and everybody else I feel so much has lifted off of me and it feels good like I can breathe and be comfortable as myself. I'm glad you have found it helpful too, I imagine so many here find this a really good place to be. Will you be able to return to work gradually? I think work is the most tiring thing ever. lol. I hope your return to work goes well and the stress isn't too bad. Here if you ever need to chat about it.

Hi Lotus. Thank you, it’s so nice to meet you.

It’s really cool that you taught yourself to play the guitar. What’s your fave song to play? I love the guitar, I love how many different sounds can come from just one instrument and just a couple of chords. My fave song to play on the guitar is Here Comes The Sun by The Beatles, it’s the first song I properly learned to play so it has that extra meaning to me. I love music, I couldn’t get through each day without music. That’s so cool you’ve also composed and produced music. I would love to do that but I have no idea how to do anything like that. lol.

I get my love of Roxy Music and older music in general from my parents, they opened a record shop in the late 70s and it’s still going now, also sells cds now and after school I used to help them out there and they always play older music in there. It’s nice though because I have a love of old and new music. I love Bowie, so sad he’s gone now he was so unique. Bowie is my mums fave singer and I think she got to see him live in concert twice when she was younger.

I play on Xbox too! I love the Sims 4 and the Assassins Creed games. I’m not very good at Assassins Creed, I lack the coordination sometimes but I enjoy them. Open world games are a lot of fun because you can take your time and explore the world, find hidden things and any extras that are in the game. That’s why I like the Lego games as well, there’s always a lot to do.

When is your next Film Club film? I’m a big film buff and spend probably a little too much time watching films. Despite I’m not even 22 yet I have got an insanely large amount of films in my collection. lol. Next time you choose a film for your Film Club let me know and I will take part in it and get back to you on what I thought. A hobby of mine before has been writing reviews for films, the plot, special effects, the cast etc. I did it just for fun but only I got to discuss it, I had no one to chat with about it, so it would be cool to do that here with others who enjoy films.

I’ve already enjoyed being here so much more than I thought I would. Earlier when I made this post I was so anxious, I don’t know why I was just anxious at the thought of posting, worried I might not ‘fit in’ but I already feel so myself here. It’s a feeling I’ve always wanted in person but haven’t found yet. It’s nice I have it here, I feel I don’t have to mask here.

Hi and welcome to the community. I'm a woman in my sixties and retired.

I see in your profile that you are a big music fan. I was also into music in a big way in my youth - taught myself to play guitar when I was at secondary school and in my early 30s I dabbled in composing and producing electronic music. I also like Roxy Music and was a big David Bowie fan.

You also mentioned gaming. I enjoy playing video games on an Xbox - my favourites include Sims 4, Fallout 4, Assassins creed Odyssey, Hogwarts Legacy and BioShock.

I also enjoy watching films and choose two or three to watch each week. I tried to start a Film Club on here, where I chose a film and started a thread about it, in the hope others would watch it too and we could all discuss it, but it hasn't been very successful. I'm thinking of changing it to a.weekly "Goggle Box" thread where people can write what they watched that week.

Hope you enjoy chatting with us

Congrats on your diagnosis - that was some wait !

My diagnosis was 3 month ago and after decades of masking I think it's going to take some time, I suspect could be years.

On disclosure - at work my Line Manager & HR, at home my OH + adult kids , one parent, not my sister.  Just 1 old friend (who I see maybe once a year).  I may reach out to someone at work who is open about their diagnosis and see how they've found it.

Hopefully you will find the community helpful I certainly do. It’s good to be among folks that generally understand and can offer some good tips/help. I know what you mean about being hard on yourself I’m similar in that respect. I can sympathise with the masking thing it is hard work and tiring. I’m off work myself at the moment but soon will have to return

Hello, thanks so much. It’s really heartwarming to receive so much welcoming and understanding in my first post here. I receive no understanding in RL in person, my family don’t understand my differences and would in no way understand autism so I won’t be telling them. It’s not something I feel I need to share tbf it’s more self knowledge and self validation. It explains the differences, why I am a bit more awkward and peculiar compared to those around me. Masking gets me through the working day but I can’t keep this up so will be looking for alternatives if I can find any.

Thanks, I appreciate your kind advice. I’ll try to be kind to myself but I’ve always found that difficult to do, I’m much kinder to others than I am to myself. I don’t know why. I easily get frustrated with myself, something I’m working on not doing. One day at a taime.

Have a nice afternoon/night/day.

Welcome to the community and congrats on your diagnosis. I’m sure you will find a way forward, my advice would be to take your time and try to be kind to yourself. All the best.

Welcome!

Sorry I missed this before.

Maybe, hard to say for sure. Definitely no one I know is either that or they just mask all the time like me. The girls I work with are very chatty, never stop talking and from what I can tell they find it easy making friends whereas I have always found it so difficult when it comes to making friends. At school I was a loner because of it and since school I am still isolated and lonely. But by the seems of it loneliness and autism go hand in hand for most.

I told my three old friends, each one of them then opened up, one had ADHD, one dyslexia and one saw all words and numbers in colour! None had asked for help. I wonder if neurodiverse people are drawn to each other?

Just joined myself too

Hey nice to meet you.

I’m glad you had your partner to open up to and that you felt you could open up to him. I think it’s so important to talk to people about things, if you can, if you have that person who you trust enough to share such intimate details of yourself. Mostly I talk to Samaritans (not suicidal...) but just having someone there who will listen and understand but never judge is so uplifting. It makes me feel like I have that friend, or partner, there with me, ready to listen and be there. I’m hoping one day I will have such a person to open up with.

Masking seems to be the autistic way of coping. I'll have to try and find other ways.. I know I can't keep this up indefinitely. I can understand why it happens, life is so hard and there’s so much to process and have to deal with. I feel like my mask is on and then I’m enclosed in this armour that can’t be penetrated but it’s so heavy it just sucks up all my inner energy, leaving me absolutely wrecked and exhausted by the end of the day...

Sadly I have no such people to tell, that’s why I decided to join this place as I thought I would find people in a similar boat of a similar mind, and I was right