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Hi, newly diagnosed, no idea what to do next

Piper

Over five years of waiting and I finally have confirmed that I’m autistic. It was mostly obvious to be, the signs were more than visible, though I still had that ‘what if I’m not and am just an imposter’ thought process whirring round my head more than I wanted. Now I have been told by a professional I feel I can relax a little. I have room to breathe again and take this all in.

One thing I’ve read about that I seem to do a lot is that I’m masking when I do things like work and going in to town, this they say is my way of coping with outside pressures, but it’s not recommended and I should stop because it’s unhealthy. I don’t understand how to stop this though, it feels natural to me to do it and I don’t think I could not do it if I wanted to. I think I’ve been masking every day since I was at school. It explains why I’m so fatigued now though. Masking gets me through each day. I can't imagine going to work and not masking, how else would I pass off as the 'me' every one knows me as there.

It feels great knowing I have autism but it’s also left me feeling very alone and isolated. I have this knowledge of who I am now but I don’t know what to do with this knowledge or if anything even can be done.

I waited so long for this and now I finally have what I was waiting for and it’s very much like ‘what do I do now?’ and I don’t know the answer to that.

Parents

  • Hi

    I have just realised at 67 that I'm autistic. I understand totally re the masking, I've done it my whole life. I tried with my other half one day describing every single thing ( sights sounds smells feel of certain surfaces behaviours) that made me uncomfortable instead of keeping it to myself. That was the only way I could describe to him how constant the way we cope is. 
    I too was elated to realise why I am how I am, but then a few weeks later I realised that life isn't going to get any easier, and I'm trying to find a way through that, but I will. As will you. 

  • in reply to Diagnosedat67

    Hey nice to meet you.

    I’m glad you had your partner to open up to and that you felt you could open up to him. I think it’s so important to talk to people about things, if you can, if you have that person who you trust enough to share such intimate details of yourself. Mostly I talk to Samaritans (not suicidal...) but just having someone there who will listen and understand but never judge is so uplifting. It makes me feel like I have that friend, or partner, there with me, ready to listen and be there. I’m hoping one day I will have such a person to open up with.

    Masking seems to be the autistic way of coping. I'll have to try and find other ways.. I know I can't keep this up indefinitely. I can understand why it happens, life is so hard and there’s so much to process and have to deal with. I feel like my mask is on and then I’m enclosed in this armour that can’t be penetrated but it’s so heavy it just sucks up all my inner energy, leaving me absolutely wrecked and exhausted by the end of the day...

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  • in reply to Diagnosedat67

    Hey nice to meet you.

    I’m glad you had your partner to open up to and that you felt you could open up to him. I think it’s so important to talk to people about things, if you can, if you have that person who you trust enough to share such intimate details of yourself. Mostly I talk to Samaritans (not suicidal...) but just having someone there who will listen and understand but never judge is so uplifting. It makes me feel like I have that friend, or partner, there with me, ready to listen and be there. I’m hoping one day I will have such a person to open up with.

    Masking seems to be the autistic way of coping. I'll have to try and find other ways.. I know I can't keep this up indefinitely. I can understand why it happens, life is so hard and there’s so much to process and have to deal with. I feel like my mask is on and then I’m enclosed in this armour that can’t be penetrated but it’s so heavy it just sucks up all my inner energy, leaving me absolutely wrecked and exhausted by the end of the day...

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