• Replies 13 replies
  • Subscribers 73 subscribers
  • Views 233 views
  • Users 0 members are here
Options
Hints and tips
  • To quote someone's message, first select/highlight the relevant text, and then use the Quote button that appears
  • To "mention" someone, type @ followed by the start of the forum name, and choose from the list; that person will get a notification of being mentioned

An Introduction from the Confused

chubsntubs

Hi Everyone

I've just signed up today - and honestly, I'm really hoping that by hopping on to this Community I'll be able to get some clarification that I'm not going entirely insane all the time (I joke!).

A little intro with my reason for reaching out, I've signed up on behalf of my OH and I; we are a married, neurodivergent household, and expecting our first child; this is making things really tense as unfortunately ND1 (M) does not engage in difficult conversations with me; ND2 (F), instead immediately shutting down the conversation with sharp comments or exiting the room.

We obviously have a REALLY exciting time ahead of us, but there are conversations that need to be had around bringing another person into our lives; has anyone got any top tips on how we can successfully communicate this between ourselves better?

TIA <3

  • in reply to Desmond1979

    Thank you for your reply! 
    That's some really helpful things for us to think about - I know it sounds a bit lame but with our work we don't have much time to explore our interests at the moment. One thing I'm concerned may come to a head when one of us has more (albeit occupied), time on our hands Slight smile

  • in reply to White_Dragon

    Thank you for your reply, your feedback is really helpful and I'm glad to see more than one person has suggested writing things down - hopefully this will break some communication barriers for us Slight smile

  • in reply to Astridlora

    Thank you for your reply! That's a really helpful suggestion, thank you. We'll give that a try - a bit like a feedback book in a hotel Smile

  • in reply to ArchaeC

    Thank you for your reply! It seems so hard for something to be what I deem as so silly, perhaps this new chapter will point ND1 in the right direction Upside down

  • in reply to Lotus

    Thank you so much for your comment and advice, it's really appreciated!

  • Good luck with the Bun in the Oven.

    It's hard when a couple are similar, it's like there's rivalry. Sometimes couples with different interests complement each other better. However, it's an adventure.

    Fear often prevents us from discussing important topics.

    First things first, discuss who'll look after the baby and who'll be the breadwinner. A child needs stability.

    Also, budgeting is imperative. Money is often the Elephant in the Room. Go through your ingoings and outgoings. See how you can get by, without depriving yourself.

    In this world, we're all 'too busy'. Quality time is vital. What are your interests?

  • I can relate a bit too how you are describing your partner as I struggle talking about personal things, to anybody. Still trying to properly understand whty this is the case for me. Most of the time at least for me when it’s a tricky conversation I find written communication far easier to deal with. The whole verbal thing I find much harder and more energy sapping. I also agree with Lotus’ point around timing, I really struggle with being surprised or ambushed with difficult things. 

  • Welcome home! You're not insane, but if you were, you're definitely in the right place! Wink

    It can be difficult having deep conversations in the 'heat' of the moment, there's always a lot to process and try and understand all at once. One thin you could do is write down what you want to say, and then see if he will write back his thoughts/ideas on this matter?

    It might not work but it may be worth a try. When I have important deep things to talk about with my support workers I write to them as I physically/mentally/emotionally can't do it vocally as I shutdown.

    Hopefully others can advise you better though!

    Good luck!

  • Welcome to the forum.

    It sounds like you are not going insane, but then I’m not qualified to assess your situation as I often think the same way LOL.

    My non autistic friend’s family seems similar to your family in that one person refuses to engage and would make a derogatory retort and the other one doesn’t engage at all. There is one other semi pleasant person in the family unit of four people. I think this can happen with all types of families.

    I would like to offer some constructive advice, but I am out of my league with family relationships, having been disowned by a sibling for ‘being embarrassing’. 

  • Everyone here is insane, so you don't get off that easily !

    Only joking.  

    Welcome to the forum.  

  • Hi and welcome to the community. I'm a woman an ND-ND long term relationship (over 40 years)

    It's difficult to advise without knowing what the difficult conversations are about, but your partner is shutting down or coming close to a meltdown, so it is obviously making him anxious. Maybe explore why he is feeling that way and what could be done to make him feel more comfortable.

    Also, I'd advise monitoring your and your partner's moods and energy levels. We cannot discuss difficult things or make decisions when we're overloaded or low in energy, so pick the right moment.