48, diagnosed yesterday, Well, didn’t expect to feel like this !

Hi Gareth.  Congrats on your diagnosis !. 

Am mid 50s and diagnosed in Jan this year, but obviously still processing it, although not sure that will stop, although I perhaps have dropped the amount of time I'm allowing it to consume my mind.

First few weeks and still - was about who and when I disclose, so some of my immediate family don't know yet and not sure that will change, we will see.   I bought some books prior to diagnosis and have dipped back in them a couple of times, and somehow they seem more relatable now the sections I've reread

I have started CBT mainly focusing on my Anxiety and I finding that helpful: I feel a bit calmer generally but even this morning I woke up with it there.   That's been via my health insurance - so will see where I am when that ends, and may need to reach out to NHS talking therapies 

I've been on a couple of zoom calls via a local Autism support group, so although not meeting face to face it's been good to meet others listen and ask, just like reaching out to others on this forum: here I found very helpful advice from those both newly diagnosed and also others with more lived experience of knowing.

Work my line manager knows and HR, but other than that, I haven't disclosed to others.  I work from home mostly, so largely in control of my environment, although my boss is open to me letting them know what support/change I need (this is fairly informal at the mo) and they are aware of some problem areas, although my overall performance is no issue.  So will need to perhaps work on defining any adjustments that come up in the coming months - have not looked into "access to work" as no need for the moment - but may do if the need arises.  So this may or not be an area for you to look into.

Anyways - wish you well over the coming weeks

Hi Gareth and welcome. I can certainly relate to what you are talking about and although my route has not been through an official/medical diagnosis its impact on my discovery was quite profound. Although my mind is a lot calmer these last days, its been a lot of what you are describing, a whole of bag of stuff which for me is quite hard to unpick as I am not very good with emotions. From my side I would say time, patience and support has helped me. Wish you well....I'm a 53 year old man btw

By way of some "quick start" advice / tips, I'll also just mention this book. It's the first one that I bought after my own autism diagnosis, and it enabled me to make some useful changes straight away:

Self-Care for Autistic People: 100+ Ways to Recharge, De-Stress, and Unmask!

I should also mention that I delayed starting counselling (which I chose instead of therapy) for several months, until I felt ready. I'd encourage you to go at your own pace with all of this, and take your time. It's a lot to process.

Hi Gareth - congratulations on your diagnosis and welcome to the community!

From my own experience, I completely understand how you're feeling. Following diagnosis, it can be common for us - especially as late-diagnosed adults - to experience a lot of emotional dysregulation. Besides feeling relief about getting our diagnosis, this can also include working through a phase where we experience confusion and/or (backward-focused) anger, frustration, grieving and more. So please don't worry - this can be normal, although also overwhelming! 

The NAS has a great set of articles focused on "after diagnosis", including one covering how you might feel during the subsequent days / weeks / months. You might find them of interest and/or helpful:

NAS - How you might feel after a diagnosis (includes examples of reactions from other autistic people)

NAS - Other advice covering post-diagnosis including:

• Talking about and disclosing your autism diagnosis
• Emotional support for family members after a diagnosis
• Formal support following an autism diagnosis
• What can I do if formal support is not offered or is not enough

In terms of what to do next, my advice at this point (ie soon after your diagnosis, and based on my own experience) would be to try and give yourself some time and breathing space to process and absorb everything that you've been through, and let your feelings settle down.

For me, as for many others here, my diagnosis turned out to be much more of the start of a new journey, rather than a conclusion full of instant solutions for all of my ASD-related difficulties. 

Therapy (or counselling) is often recommended after a diagnosis, as a follow up action for your GP to arrange. In anticipation of that, you might find it helpful to borrow or buy this book, which includes discussion of various types of therapy and counselling, together with advice on choosing the right therapist or counsellor - all from an autistic person's viewpoint. Several of us here have found it very helpful, including me:

The Autistic Survival Guide to Therapy  

I was 53 and had the initial relief reaction as it gave me sense of "otherness" a name. Obviously to question yourself and review things in your past. 

I finally got around to telling my wife (3 months later) and she said that it doesn't change who I am, it's just a label.

I'm still fairly new to it, I received mine just before Christmas, I just like to read and research. I found speaking to a psychologist very helpful, it allowed me to unpack stuff with the help of a non judgemental third party perspective. Before I had my diagnosis I'd been sent to see a psychologist to go through issues I had surrounding depression and anxiety, it became very apparent that much of it was down to the "elephant in the room". 

As much as it is a relief, it still feels like a weight, something else do deal with . it's part of who I've always been but now it feels somewhat a separate entity (It's really difficult to explain and probably doesn't make a great deal of sense).

Anyway welcome officially to the late diagnosis club.

Gareth said:

How does everybody deal with this sudden complete overload of you now pulling your 48 years of life to pieces,

I looked at is as I am no different today than I was the day before the assessment so I have not changed. I now have more knowledge about why I think and behave the way I do so I can choose to make changes here if I wish but other than that life goes on as before.

I was quick to get a psychotherapist to work though my main traits that were causing me issues and get to understand them more fully so I could develop an approach to them which took the sting out of the tail. I cannot recommend this option enough.

Just make sure if you get a therapist that they are very well versed in dealing with autists as there are lots who lack this experience and - it seems from others experiences here - lack the necessary knowledge to be useful.

I got my diagnosis at aged 52 (male) and didn't have much time to spend on thinking too much about it (2 full time jobs on the go) which probably helped.

My approach to the issues of past and future were to try to compartmentalise them to the therapy time windows and some time I could set aside at weekends - I couldn't change the past so the guilt was a wasted emotion. I can learn from it and that was where I focussed my efforts.

It soulds like we do things quite differently but this was my approach and I think it worked very well for me.