Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm working as a software engineer and am late 30s and have recently officially been officially diagnosed as being on the autistic spectrum. It seems they no longer use the term Aspergers?
But anyway, I have had various issues all my life that I couldn't really put into words but mainly stemming I guess from not understanding why people behave the way they do and I suffered quite a lot at school. I tended to be more the quiet type who read a lot and stayed in his room. Looking back on it I am beginning to realise I behaved a lot like I do now but didn't have the ability to explain how I felt different and unfortunately children tend to pick on those who are different.
I had in my 20s a couple of periods off work for extended periods. Diagnosed as anxiety related and had CBT therapy for that. I think in some respect it's almost like I have discovered my own way of managing myself in life. So like I am living as an actor in my own life and I can hold down a job and a relationship so I am very lucky in that respect
What I find hard is other peoples emotions. It's almost like I feel what they are feeling and I cannot in my head understand and it's like I want to explode so to cope I switch off and become emotionally detached, I had read about Aspergers and done tests that said I had high scores but in some ways was very confused because I thought Aspergers was lack of emotion and in many ways I am the opposite. I had a awful temper when I was younger and still do. I guess I analyse myself so much that I feel like I have to control myself all the time. I actually cannot watch certain TV programs like Eastenders because I feel physically uncomfortable.
I always find social situations difficult. I tend to show my face and then disappear. I also find it very hard to look at people, especially their eyes. More people in a situation the worse it is and if they aren't interested in what I am saying then I find it hard to be interested. Apparantly I also have a habit of talking too loudly (even though I can't hear it) and I don't know when I am supposed to talk so I talk over people. I find things go round and round in my head like I can't switch them off.
Other problems are becoming obsessed over things and wanting them so much but then suddenly becoming bored and no longer interested. So if I find a book I like I would want to buy the whole series and everything possible by that author, or I get a song in my head and I have to play it on constant loop. I also have problems with bright light for some reason, no idea why that may be related.
Any change at work or life, any stress and I can feel like I am losing control and my mask slips. Social interaction goes out of the window and I say exactly how I feel. To the point of rudeness frankly. But it's like inside I can feel physically that something is wrong. Any new situations scare me, like an accelerated fear response and somehow I am convinced I will get told off. I procrastinate all the time and constantly obsess over things, talking them to death until something else comes along.
I have a lot to learn about me and what this means in my life. I went to the doctor because I felt I needed a diagnosis on what was wrong with me and now I do. Also i am looking at progressing up the career ladder and that involves more manager work and dealing with people is an issue, as I think this far too long message says. Part of me likes being different and looking at the world from the outside but it's not easy and I want to know how to fit into the world. I guess I see that in some ways being me has advantages, I have a good attention to detail (as long as I curb my perfectionist streak) and I have found a job I can do well but it is hard
I don't know if any of this makes sense, I just felt I needed to connect with people who might be able to help me understand who I am.
Ur welcome i feel the same about people suffering and discrimination towards people i am a very emotional person and i get so lonely just want to meet people like me and its good to be different and there is no such thing as normal so what do u do in ur spare time
Thanks for the kind words. I know there are challenges but in many ways it has made me a better person too. I hate discrimination in all forms and excessive empathy makes me hate to see people or animals in pain etc. besides, what is normal? :) differences make the world better not worse.
Glad u are ok it has made me feel like im not the only one i was so glad to find out why i am the way i am never be ashamed of who u are
I am good, more I read on here the more I feel like all of my behaviours make sense. It's like seeing people writing of what they do and realising I do that too :)
Dont be hard on urself and how r u
longman said:Are software engineers still a friendly crowd to be with, or has it got more aggressive and competitive?I recall the software crowd were better at socialising and less critical/discriminating, possiblly because the job attracts people with autistic characteristics, if not indeed actually on the autistiic spectrum. But I'm looking back more than twenty years.
Are software engineers still a friendly crowd to be with, or has it got more aggressive and competitive?
I recall the software crowd were better at socialising and less critical/discriminating, possiblly because the job attracts people with autistic characteristics, if not indeed actually on the autistiic spectrum. But I'm looking back more than twenty years.
i think that the area of industry I have ended up in seems to attract people with occasionally non typical behaviour. If you believe anyone is typical that is certain industries can handle this because they get the results they need. But I think others an find it hard no matter how friendly you are when you have days you tend to try and ignore them
however moving up the career ladder is virtually impossible without managing people and that's when it gets interesting.
But all that said I have been officially diagnosed and a course of help in the form of meetings was discussed. Techniques etc. if that happens I think given all that I have read on NHS (lack of) help means I am very lucky
learning a lot already. Seeing people talk about not phoning people cause of fear of critisism is so familiar to me. But seeing terms I need to learn more about like meltdowns and NTs... There is so much to learn but I have a feeling I have actually started to obsess about it... Which is typical...
How r u
firedragon said:Hello there and thank you for the reply.I am in the UK and diagnosed in the last month. Still waiting for the letter from the NHS. But at the 2nd part of the assessment when they finalised the diagnosis I was told that they no longer use the term Aspergers, just that so done exists on the autistic spectrum. It was somewhat stressful after the tests so maybe I am wrongThere are supposed to be a series of self help meetings so I am hoping I gain some more skills as at the moment there is stress at work and I can feel myself slipping a bit unfortunatelyI have been browsing and it's interesting how different it affects us all. i guess that's why it's a spectrum
I am in the UK and diagnosed in the last month. Still waiting for the letter from the NHS. But at the 2nd part of the assessment when they finalised the diagnosis I was told that they no longer use the term Aspergers, just that so done exists on the autistic spectrum. It was somewhat stressful after the tests so maybe I am wrong
There are supposed to be a series of self help meetings so I am hoping I gain some more skills as at the moment there is stress at work and I can feel myself slipping a bit unfortunately
I have been browsing and it's interesting how different it affects us all. i guess that's why it's a spectrum
You're welcome. NHS assessments (even for children) in the UK are still not standardised, and there is variation between counties. However, unless they used the DSM5 (which has dropped the diagnosis of Asperger's) which I would imagine would be quite unusual as it's the American manual, it sounds like they are either confused or pre-empting the possibility of Asperger's being dropped from the ICD-11 (International Classification of Diseases) which is underway. To my knowledge, any ICD-11 changes have not been announced, at least not with regards to Asperger's. Here is the draft beta version: http://apps.who.int/classifications/icd11/browse/l-m/en#/http%3a%2f%2fid.who.int%2ficd%2fentity%2f437815624 I cannot see Asperger's listed there, but as the ICD10 is the current UK diagnostic manual and it is in there, this is the valid manual to be using: http://apps.who.int/classifications/icd10/browse/2010/en#/F84.5.
I have experienced apparent clinical confusion over diagnostic manuals with one of my children's diagnosis, and it's not impossible that they used the American manual. So you could well have heard them correctly.
Asperger's is still autism anyway, until such time as science decrees otherwise!
Thank u same with u
My daughter was diagnosed in February and I too, was told they no longer use the term 'Aspergers' but 'Autistic Spectrum Disorder'.
Like you, my daughter is very emotional. She is very up or very down and can take on others emotions however, the reason she had her late diagnosis was this amazing ability she has to mimic others so I'm guessing this comes with taking on board emotions but with amplifying them to extremes.
Good luck in your journey x
i got diagnosed in the last month and a bit with aspergers syndrome and i have always felt something was not right with me but i just always felt odd weird and that everyone hated me i hated my secondary school i got bullied for five years and i never drank smoke or went out to clubs and always got on with my work which made me picked on and i couldnt wait to leave but i left with my gcses and then that was it and when my son got diagnosed with autism aspergers syndrome similarities arose and for peace of mind i wanted to find out if i was autism and with no surprise i was and they do still use the term aspergers sydrome because me and my son are on record for having so and there is lot of interesting information in the world and i also have an obessive personality drives me insane i wish it would go away and i worry to much and i hate it and the way i am i have lost all my friends and i dont have it in me to go in to new situations to meet new people or go to groups as hate going places oon my own and have no sense of direction and i am to much of an emotional person and very lonely and i find it hard to maintain eye contact for long and i can be quite loud and have bad mood swings and and i can say things in wrong time wrong place and i am obessive and worry over everything i have wanted to do so much in my life just dont have the confidence faith or ability to do so ie college and its a very good thing despite haveing autism you can hold down a steady job and have a talent and have a good relationship take care hopefully speak soon
Hello there and thank you for the reply.
I have been browsing and it's interesting how different it affects us all. i guess that's why it's a spectrum :)
Hello firedragon. In the USA or other countries where they use the DSM-5 Asperger's is no longer used. In the UK and worldwide where we use the ICD10 Asperger's is still a current diagnosis.
There are a few adults on the spectrum on the forum, so you are among like-minded individuals.
hi im rose i have just found out i have autism aspergers sydrome and in a lot of ways u sound like me u think and do some of the stuff i do hope u are ok and look forward to ur reply