Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
During another difficult period in my very colourful life I sought out the local mental health team as I was diagnosed with depression at 14 and bipolar disorder at 19. In and out of mental health hospitals most of my life, I didn’t really think it fit me but I lived with it. I thought maybe I just needed a medication adjustment. They removed my bipolar and mental health diagnoses and referred me for an autism assessment. I had this and was diagnosed as autistic aged 41. Meanwhile, I am slowly coming off the medication I don’t need and have been on for 26 years. Heavy stuff over the years. It was a shock. I hadn’t considered autism. My 35 year old little brother was the autistic one, diagnosed at 5. I was the crazy, kooky but sensible one.
I worked during covid and I got PTSD from the things I saw and did, I had EMDR and it was good. I still live with some symptoms. I think my PTSD led to my unmasking and breakdown at work where for the first time I was described as unmanageable and fickle.
I am still off work and waiting for some support as I’m desperate to get back in a redeployed role with some adjustments. I am a registered nurse with experience of prison, police custody and after covid I was a nurse lecturer in anatomy and physiology and clinical skills. It was suggested that academic research and non patient facing roles would be better. I’ve found the tiktok community quite helpful.
I have special interests in the human body, academia, diagnostics, geisha culture, science, astronomy and space. I am a music buff and I love history, etymology and anthropology. I am also interested in true crime, criminal justice, cults and high demand religion. I am obsessed about comedy and a lot of my phrases are from these programs. I think people would say I’m funny.
I notice everything and I struggle with sensory processing and coping with everyday life. I find friends a drain and prefer to keep people at a distance, I always have. I have a strong sense of justice and can be very blunt. I am a kind and good person though. I am very accepting and I hate injustice and unkind people. I like to think critically. I don’t love and I’m not interested in relationships, I have no children. I am bisexual and alternative.
Anyway, that’s me! Hi! I’m quite isolated as I’m unmasking an I get embarrassed about it. I have a sunflower lanyard and an access card but feel weird about using it.
Well done if you read this far! I LOVE Bluey and fidget toys!Blip!
Welcome.
I worked in a very niche role in healthcare and my problems started during covid. My health meant I was at high risk and eventually put on the shielding list. Occupational health advised certain restrictions to my duties. Now after asking for reasonable adjustments due to my ASD diagnosis my manager has said that they are unreasonable and is using redeployment as a way of getting rid of me.
The NHS sucks to work for. The caring profession, you must be having a laugh!
I’m sorry that you’ve had that experience. My current role is in ED and they’ve been good so far, but I know I’m not going back there. It’s not going to be something I can manage at all with my sensory and processsing problems. I had dreams of continuing advanced practice there but I have had to manage my expectations and think well I had a good innings in criminal justice. I can’t even cope with going outside at the moment as the overcast skies are so bright, the white light makes me feel sick, so I just have to get used to doing something else and my life being different. I’m scared of losing my PIN though.
In my experience the private sector can be worse than the NHS though for lack of support. I was alone in covid managing a busy custody with very unwell people and ambulances that wouldn’t attend, I got no clinical support from the private company, I think that’s a big reason for the PTSD.
Best of luck to you