Published on 12, July, 2020
Morning all - this is my first post, probably because I feel I should be able to deal with my childs autism on my own but this morning I am about to crack. Bit of background, my 11 year old was diagnosed with autism last year. She masks at school which means I get the full brunt of it when she returns, That I can sort of cope with as I know it is coming. What I can't cope with is the mornings. I get her and her sister up 1.5 hours before we need to leave to school. Some mornings she wants to get dressed first (with me present the whole time) and other mornings it's breakfast first. I have to constantly remind her to get up, get dressed, stop playing, eat your breakfast, do you teeth which gradually gets her more and more annoyed. I can't leave her to it as she wants me with her all the time. My other daughter is now suffering with the consequences as I cannot be there for her as well. If I could just get my youngest to get herself ready on time without distraction my life would be 80% better and I wouldn't start work everyday feeling like the worst parent in the world. I been on all the parenting courses and i've tried making her morning timetables, using egg timers to give her a set amount of time, I've tried making her laugh, shouting, staying silent, walking away. I even offered her money if she can be dressed by a certain time. Whatever I do is wrong and not what she wants me to do . When I ask what she wants me to do she says she doesn't know. Is there anyone else out there having to deal with this every morning as I can't believe anyone else would be stupid enough to put up with it as much as I do. Sorry if this isn't the right forum for this but I don't know where else to turn.
And btw - re your acceptance of the diagnosis - if it’s any comfort : autism isn’t all bad you know! For example - despite his challenges my eldest read a lot as child and ended up going to a top Uni and is now doing a PHD - these children can grow up to lead happy and productive lives in all sorts of different ways. My youngest wasn’t academic but is the most wonderfully kind and intelligent human being - they are both autistic and both totally wonderful. I’m not saying life is always easy for them but I wouldn’t change their autistic natures because I don’t want to change who they are. Your daughter has tremendous potential just like any other child. Autism undoubtedly makes some aspects of life harder but let’s face it all lives will have their challenges. My youngest had Selective Mutism in school - he couldn’t talk at all - so hard, his autistic traits seemed ‘easier’ in comparison to that. It’s good that your daughter can talk in school - some autistic children can’t. There really is a lot to be grateful for :)
Thanks again. A lot to take in and process which I will try my best to do.
It’s early days in this journey for you and your daughter - don’t forget to be kind to yourself too x It really is going to be ok - as they say: “stormy seas create able sailors”!