Need advice please

Consistency is key when it comes to autism, and that does sound like a lot of change this child is having to deal with. It sounds like your grandchild is struggling with having control over his environment, and expressing himself fully. When I was his age, I was the big kid at school, so my meltdowns were rather dangerous. My teachers segregated me from the other students during interval and lunch breaks, which I was pretty happy with because I couldn't really get along with anybody and it gave me a space that was mine.

Teaching him about consequences is important, because he needs to understand the rules of the world. The how is definitely more important than the when, because the when is simply when he's in a controlled environment like at home and there's nothing around to agitate or cause sensory overload. Now, it's good and fine to teach him about consequences, but that's only a part of what he needs to be taught. His sense of equilibrium, and right and wrong, are likely not on the same wavelength as yours. Anger is, as they say, a response to percieved injustice. He likely has an inflated sense for how things should be, which makes him excessively angry when they aren't. The upside to this is that, with better emotional regulation, he can become a very moral person with the proper guidance.

He needs to understand what in his environment he gets to have control of. But he also needs to understand why things are the way that they are. If he feels alienated from the world around him, then how the world is affected by his actions becomes less important to him, you know? Think about how a tourist visits another country, and disregards local customs because they're on holiday and they're there to enjoy themselves. The less alien you make the world to him, the hopefully more his own inner sense of logic, and right and wrong, will come out by itself.

When he says he doesn't remember why he did something, or becomes non-verbal, it's likely because he was overwhelmed at the time. In the aftermath, he wants to immerse himself in a feeling of safety, so he's not going to want to revisit those thoughts and feelings, and pushing can well lead to him digging his heels. Develop his sense of morality without directly challenging him. And when I say don't directly challenge him, I mean try to have some finesse about it. Instead of asking him why he hurt someone, ask him what he would do if he found someone who was hurt. Instead of asking him to explain his anger, develop his sense of empathy.

And, now this part might seem cold to you, make sure to teach him how being a better person works for him. Teach him the benefits of being kind, of being considerate for others, as they apply to him. Logic is going to be a big part of how he understands the world around him. I had a very strained relationship with my stepmother, until I figured out that gestures of compassion made her feel cared for, and in turn made her want to be more compassionate towards me. It sounds manipulative, but that's exactly why it's so important to develop that sense of empathy.

I wish you the best in deepening your communication with your grandchild. By all means, keep us posted on how things go. And of course, be open to other perspectives too, as I certainly don't speak for everyone with my experiences with autism.

Consistency is key when it comes to autism, and that does sound like a lot of change this child is having to deal with. It sounds like your grandchild is struggling with having control over his environment, and expressing himself fully. When I was his age, I was the big kid at school, so my meltdowns were rather dangerous. My teachers segregated me from the other students during interval and lunch breaks, which I was pretty happy with because I couldn't really get along with anybody and it gave me a space that was mine.

Teaching him about consequences is important, because he needs to understand the rules of the world. The how is definitely more important than the when, because the when is simply when he's in a controlled environment like at home and there's nothing around to agitate or cause sensory overload. Now, it's good and fine to teach him about consequences, but that's only a part of what he needs to be taught. His sense of equilibrium, and right and wrong, are likely not on the same wavelength as yours. Anger is, as they say, a response to percieved injustice. He likely has an inflated sense for how things should be, which makes him excessively angry when they aren't. The upside to this is that, with better emotional regulation, he can become a very moral person with the proper guidance.

He needs to understand what in his environment he gets to have control of. But he also needs to understand why things are the way that they are. If he feels alienated from the world around him, then how the world is affected by his actions becomes less important to him, you know? Think about how a tourist visits another country, and disregards local customs because they're on holiday and they're there to enjoy themselves. The less alien you make the world to him, the hopefully more his own inner sense of logic, and right and wrong, will come out by itself.

When he says he doesn't remember why he did something, or becomes non-verbal, it's likely because he was overwhelmed at the time. In the aftermath, he wants to immerse himself in a feeling of safety, so he's not going to want to revisit those thoughts and feelings, and pushing can well lead to him digging his heels. Develop his sense of morality without directly challenging him. And when I say don't directly challenge him, I mean try to have some finesse about it. Instead of asking him why he hurt someone, ask him what he would do if he found someone who was hurt. Instead of asking him to explain his anger, develop his sense of empathy.

And, now this part might seem cold to you, make sure to teach him how being a better person works for him. Teach him the benefits of being kind, of being considerate for others, as they apply to him. Logic is going to be a big part of how he understands the world around him. I had a very strained relationship with my stepmother, until I figured out that gestures of compassion made her feel cared for, and in turn made her want to be more compassionate towards me. It sounds manipulative, but that's exactly why it's so important to develop that sense of empathy.

I wish you the best in deepening your communication with your grandchild. By all means, keep us posted on how things go. And of course, be open to other perspectives too, as I certainly don't speak for everyone with my experiences with autism.