I’m new here … thoughts appreciated…

Uhane said:

It's important to be mindful of my friends. They are my flower garden and need watering.

That is a lovely reminder to all 

(Remembering to maintain a timely connection with my relatives / friends / neighbours doesn't come so naturally for me - it doesn't mean I don't value them - rather, I can just run the risk of operating along a slightly different timeline.  I have regular contact point reminders for various people repeat scheduled into my electronic calendar ...to guard against my personal time clock drifting out of sync with that of my contacts, causing others to wonder why I have - eventually - popped up onto their radar after (to them) quite a long absence).

welcome aboard! I am 70s and never fully managed to have this live-in, always there 'relationship', but I have many friendships.

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Lots of people my age who are autistic are not aware of it but we find each other. It's important to be mindful of my friends. They are my flower garden and need watering.

Cheers that’s helpful too! 

Thanks for your words, and yes we’re happy together for the future although we still need to keep working on mutual understanding and have our occasional disagreements… about nothing significant when we reflect, just can irk each other sometimes and need a little space!

Thanks, I relate to your comments…. my partner’s very appreciative that I support her being her and don’t worry about or want to control or interfere in her relationships with others as a NT may do!

Thanks, that’s really helpful… I’ll take a look at that suggestion!

Hi and welcome to the community!

I'm currently reading a book that aims to help autistic / NT couples to improve their relationships. It has lots of information and advice, including considering various aspects of the relationship dynamics from both perspectives (as you ask for). It also includes exercises for (ideally both) partners to complete, reflect on and discuss.

I can already see the book being really useful in my own relationship (although I just want to finish reading it for myself first, before getting my partner involved). Perhaps it might also be of help to you:

Loving Someone with Asperger's Syndrome: Understanding and Connecting with your Partner - Paperback - 3 May 2012 - by Cindy Ariel

(It was written when "Asperger's" was still a diagnostic term, whereas it's now diagnosed as Autism Spectrum Disorder)

Caveat: between one issue / scenario and the next, the author keeps switching the gender pronouns around. In one scenario, the male is autistic, but in the next it's the female, etc. This can become confusing at times and I find it very frustrating, as I keep needing to check / remind myself "which partner is autistic this time?" But the trouble is worth the effort, I feel.

Whistler said:

Time and space to ourselves can be important to both of us

This gets my vote.  Very important, as it provides time for your style of:

processing, reflection, planning, then happy to "park" whatever it was that rattled around your brain, so you can relax into doing something to suit yourself for a brief while, before:

...looking forward to your resumption of time in the company of your partner (now that you are hopefully refreshed, better understanding what you think about this and that, and are ready to contribute to the exchange of enthusiasm for your joint plans for moving forward).

I've a long term NT partner. We do have many gaps in understanding. She is able to get out there and do what she likes without any resentment from me. I try to make an effort to do things her way too.

With all relationships it's about understanding and compromise. Conflict can arise but resolution usually can be found if you work at it. 

Are you happy together in spite of your differences or do the cause strife. 

Sometimes for myself I feel that I need time to recharge after a social engagement.

Good luck for the future 

My long term relationship has been extremely difficult at times. Recently we have come to realise that we are both autistic (though VERY differently). It's good to realise it to start with, as it explains a lot of the tensions. Time and space to ourselves can be important to both of us - and it's good to understand that this is OK and doesn't imply that anyone is being rejected. Maybe a little harder in your situation, as someone who is neurotypical may find it harder to understand, but hopefully she will make some allowance if you can explain calmly while making it clear that you care for her.