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I’m new here … thoughts appreciated…

NAS95463
1 month ago

I’m a 60 year old man, and have only become aware of my autism over the last 3 or 4 years, after forming a relationship with a very social, extrovert and neurotypical partner.

Even with her best efforts, we don’t always understand each other, which makes for relationship conflicts, or need for time apart….

Thoughts and experiences welcome from both perspectives?!

Parents
  • 1 month ago

    Hi and welcome to the community!

    I'm currently reading a book that aims to help autistic / NT couples to improve their relationships. It has lots of information and advice, including considering various aspects of the relationship dynamics from both perspectives (as you ask for). It also includes exercises for (ideally both) partners to complete, reflect on and discuss.

    I can already see the book being really useful in my own relationship (although I just want to finish reading it for myself first, before getting my partner involved). Perhaps it might also be of help to you:

    Loving Someone with Asperger's Syndrome: Understanding and Connecting with your Partner - Paperback - 3 May 2012 - by Cindy Ariel

    (It was written when "Asperger's" was still a diagnostic term, whereas it's now diagnosed as Autism Spectrum Disorder)

    Caveat: between one issue / scenario and the next, the author keeps switching the gender pronouns around. In one scenario, the male is autistic, but in the next it's the female, etc. This can become confusing at times and I find it very frustrating, as I keep needing to check / remind myself "which partner is autistic this time?" But the trouble is worth the effort, I feel.

Reply
  • 1 month ago

    Hi and welcome to the community!

    I'm currently reading a book that aims to help autistic / NT couples to improve their relationships. It has lots of information and advice, including considering various aspects of the relationship dynamics from both perspectives (as you ask for). It also includes exercises for (ideally both) partners to complete, reflect on and discuss.

    I can already see the book being really useful in my own relationship (although I just want to finish reading it for myself first, before getting my partner involved). Perhaps it might also be of help to you:

    Loving Someone with Asperger's Syndrome: Understanding and Connecting with your Partner - Paperback - 3 May 2012 - by Cindy Ariel

    (It was written when "Asperger's" was still a diagnostic term, whereas it's now diagnosed as Autism Spectrum Disorder)

    Caveat: between one issue / scenario and the next, the author keeps switching the gender pronouns around. In one scenario, the male is autistic, but in the next it's the female, etc. This can become confusing at times and I find it very frustrating, as I keep needing to check / remind myself "which partner is autistic this time?" But the trouble is worth the effort, I feel.

Children