Published on 12, July, 2020
I recently moved in with my boyfriend. My ASD son is 5. We have all moved into a new house. Although my boyfriend has obviously spent a lot of time with my son, he’s finding living with him very stressful. I’m stuck between feeling sorry for my boyfriend’s stress and defending my son’s behaviour. I was really looking forward to this day, but I now feel more stressed, sick and exhausted than before.
I imagine the change has been quite stressful for your son, especially when there is someone else taking so much of his mums affection so visibly. He may be feeling that he is losing you and this is making him a bit more of a pain than normal.
It may help to have some evenings of just you two as a transition phase and this will have the benefit of reducing the impact on your boyfrined. Once your son is more adjusted then these can be reduced in frequency.
Letting your boyfriend know what to expect with your son will be helpful too although I suspect you have done this. I would suggest explaining explicitly about his triggers, behaviours, needs and how to win his trust/affection so your boyfriend is equipped to tackle this as a team.
Keeping clear and open comminication is key though - it is all too easy to let things slip of let the annoyancies build up which tends to end up in blowups - make a time once a week for an hour to go through this process. Let us know if you want a guide on how to do this.
Make sure your boyfriend has a way to let off steam too - it will stop the stresses building up. With time you should do this for yourself too and let your boyfriend take your son for an evening now and again - why should he have all the fun