Hello

Hi

I am not a parent of an autistic child but I was diagnosed with ASD at the age of 15, which only happened because I had depression and sought help from a child psychiatrist. From my own experience, I can tell you that your child is probably going through a really hard life of trauma every single day and adolescence has only exagerated the effects of this traumatic childhood on her mental health. I don't fully understand what you are saying about the trips but I am confident that what you call "unpredictability" has something to do with autistic meltdowns. In a world that is oblivious and non-inclusive to autistic people, every day as a kid is a constant struggle of navigating overwhelming sensory experiences without even knowing what causes overwhelm and frustration sometimes. You might wanna do some research around autistic meltdowns and how they are internally not similar to a tantrum, although many parents of autistic children would categorize what they externally perceive as such. I am sure you are a caring parent and want the best for your child, which unfortunately is not enough for most parents in order to actually help the autistic kid. Reaching out here was really considerate of you and I hope this marks the beginning of the end of your and your daughter's struggles. Please let her stim freely without staring at her. Stimming is just 100% healthy for autistic people and unless it causes harm to her body, it can only alleviate mental pain and distress. Give her time to process information or questions you might ask her before expecting an answer, and don't always push her to answer pointless questions like "how was school today?", because what you may think is a simple question may be draining her capacity to mentally cope with reality. Respect her alone time and especially do not announce plans about anything closer to 1 week before they are happening (what I mean is, don't surprise her with plans but let her have time to process), because unexpected, sudden changes trigger anxiety and a feeling of not having things under control. Being a teenager is potentially the worst thing that happens to an autistic person, as social expectations are too high for a person who is famously challenged by social interactions, at a time of uncertainty and hormones, mood swings and so on. Constantly needing to mask our autistic traits in public because of discrimination is stressful and exhausting, and if you haven't made your daughter feel free to let it all out at home, these feelings pile up and are internalized, leading to mental health issues or possibly seemingly random outbursts of despair. Most of all, try not to assume anything and really listen to her without judgement, and assure yourself and then her that you are not silently criticizing her for being "weird" or anything. I have no clue about your situation but these are some things most autistic people I know hope their parents knew when they were teenagers. I can share some resources I found helpful for understanding, accepting and helping myself online if you want. These are probably more helpful than my words. Again, every autistic person is different so yeah

I direct to specific things if you are more specific about your problems, but some great channels on youtube I know where people share personal experinces and spread awareness about autism are:

I'm Autistic, Now What?

Orion Kelly - That Autistic Guy

Morgan Foley

Autistic AF

Mom on the spectrum

Chris and Debby

paige layle

Olivia hops

I hope that helps!

Hi

I am not a parent of an autistic child but I was diagnosed with ASD at the age of 15, which only happened because I had depression and sought help from a child psychiatrist. From my own experience, I can tell you that your child is probably going through a really hard life of trauma every single day and adolescence has only exagerated the effects of this traumatic childhood on her mental health. I don't fully understand what you are saying about the trips but I am confident that what you call "unpredictability" has something to do with autistic meltdowns. In a world that is oblivious and non-inclusive to autistic people, every day as a kid is a constant struggle of navigating overwhelming sensory experiences without even knowing what causes overwhelm and frustration sometimes. You might wanna do some research around autistic meltdowns and how they are internally not similar to a tantrum, although many parents of autistic children would categorize what they externally perceive as such. I am sure you are a caring parent and want the best for your child, which unfortunately is not enough for most parents in order to actually help the autistic kid. Reaching out here was really considerate of you and I hope this marks the beginning of the end of your and your daughter's struggles. Please let her stim freely without staring at her. Stimming is just 100% healthy for autistic people and unless it causes harm to her body, it can only alleviate mental pain and distress. Give her time to process information or questions you might ask her before expecting an answer, and don't always push her to answer pointless questions like "how was school today?", because what you may think is a simple question may be draining her capacity to mentally cope with reality. Respect her alone time and especially do not announce plans about anything closer to 1 week before they are happening (what I mean is, don't surprise her with plans but let her have time to process), because unexpected, sudden changes trigger anxiety and a feeling of not having things under control. Being a teenager is potentially the worst thing that happens to an autistic person, as social expectations are too high for a person who is famously challenged by social interactions, at a time of uncertainty and hormones, mood swings and so on. Constantly needing to mask our autistic traits in public because of discrimination is stressful and exhausting, and if you haven't made your daughter feel free to let it all out at home, these feelings pile up and are internalized, leading to mental health issues or possibly seemingly random outbursts of despair. Most of all, try not to assume anything and really listen to her without judgement, and assure yourself and then her that you are not silently criticizing her for being "weird" or anything. I have no clue about your situation but these are some things most autistic people I know hope their parents knew when they were teenagers. I can share some resources I found helpful for understanding, accepting and helping myself online if you want. These are probably more helpful than my words. Again, every autistic person is different so yeah

I direct to specific things if you are more specific about your problems, but some great channels on youtube I know where people share personal experinces and spread awareness about autism are:

I'm Autistic, Now What?

Orion Kelly - That Autistic Guy

Morgan Foley

Autistic AF

Mom on the spectrum

Chris and Debby

paige layle

Olivia hops

I hope that helps!