Introduction

Hi. 

I'm Char and new to this site. I've spent the first 20 or so years of my life not fitting in any where and feeling like a ghost because it feels like most people don't see me or even acknowledge I exist half the time.

My autism diagnos has brought me some comfort though. It's nice to know why I'm different but it is still hard navigating my way through life. My mental half is terrible! I find life hard and there's no support for the autism. I've had support from mental health but they completely disregard my autism diagnosis and most of the time it feels like I'm in it on my own. 

When my mental health gets bad I've just got to fight and hold on to the thought that I'll get through it. It went from bad to worse after my Gran passed away 4 years ago. It was my first family death and even now I'm still incapable of processing the fact it happened. 

I don't work, I've tried before on more than one occasion and each time my mind nearly collapsed.

I'm on esa for the foreseeable which upsets me because I feel guilty that I should be working.

Mostly during the day I'm exhausted and spend it in bed. I'm always tired which I think might be from burnout. Some days I'll do some writing or try to read something but most of the time I'm in bed feeling wrecked.

Sorry, this is meant to be an introduction in a strange sort of way. As you can tell already I'm rubbish at this sort of thing!