using people's names.

bernie1810 said:

 One that bothers me a lot is why I have such difficulty using people's names. I can refer to someone by name but I just cannot use their name directly to them. If I want to speak to my partner, I have to go up to him and speak to him; I cannot call him by name. However I don't have this problem with my 4 year old twins. Does anyone else have this problem?

I find that I can call our pet cats by their names, that isn't a problem.  But I never can bring myself to call people by their name.  I can usually refer to someone by name, but if it is somebody I feel very emotional about, then even that is difficult.  I too don't like people using my name when they are talking to me.  I think my parents found it difficult that I was never able to address them as 'Mum' or 'Dad' or as anything and I was kind of told off for that at times.  (I got a late diagnosis and AS wasn't known about when I was a child, so my family had no framework for being able to understand my difficulties).  I have also heard my children comment that I never address anyone by name, and that hurt.  It is something I feel very sensitive about.  I have also suffered from Selective Mutism throughout my life, and I wonder if it is partly an SM thing as well.

Absolutely, and it's an issue that hadn't occurred to me until you raised it.  I think you are absolutely right, and they say us on the spectrum need things repeated to take them on board, well I don't think we are the only ones!

The thing is, diagnostic criteria, I guess, have to be a summary otherwise they could go on forever about the variety of things we have trouble with.  However, I do think that something could be incorporated into the diagnostic guidelines.  Although, I do question how many clinicians read or absorb those...

I think clinicians get lazy, they don't keep up to date on latest developments and research.  So they assume that in their Godliness their experience tells them all they need to know.  This means, that without some humility and attempt to always stay ahead of the game, they can make mistakes.

I understand that perhaps ethically, they cannot take everything the subject of the assessment tells them as fact, and they likely believe that if the individual has autism they will never be able to give an accurate portrayal of themselves.  But this is an insult and I personally take it as an affront.  We often have meticulous memories, are very factual and high attention to detail.  So other than potential issues with alexithymia, there is no reason an individual with high-functioning autism should be doubted in their portrayal of their experiences and difficulties.

Therefore, with clinicians relying on a short list of diagnostic criteria which do not enlarge (as per your point about day-to-day experiences), there will never be a true/full picture of an ASD individual in the clinical process.  Perhaps it's too "medicalised" I don't know.

Roll on diagnostic brain scans.

Fair point IW, I do go on.....

But think, how would the Triad of Impairments explain our difficulty with names - Executive Functioning?

The trouble with such mystery labels is we aren't making much progress on helping people's everyday lives. The professionals' solution is pop a pill..... Many of the pills have side-effects that further diminish the value of life.

I love it how you slip that one into any post about anything Longman!   Persistence is one of our useful qualities.

Use of names implies consent. This would be picked up by NTs in everyday socialisation, through being able to interpret the banter about how people are addressed, and knowing the difference between names used behind someone's back, as distinct from names used face to face.

With autism you miss out on a large proportion of this social interchange, so you don't pick up on what name is right in a given context.

So you frequently get picked up for speaking to someone too informally or too formally, by using the wrong name/formality. Consequently you become wary and unsure. And if you aren't able to pick up from conversation what's right, people usually wont take you seriously if you ask. And you may be told something inappropriate, just to get the laugh when you blurt it out.

I'm certainly caught in the same predicament a lot, and suffer for it. I don't know the answer.

All I do know is we need to get out of this ridiculous trap where day to day living with autism is only defined by the diagnostic tool - triad of impairments, which simply fails to address many of our difficulties.

NAS in particular should stop defining us by the Triad.....

wow, i thought it was just me!! I can call my husband and kids by their name but struggle with others or even referring to ppl by name sometimes..

Ive only just been diagnosed too and am trying to find out what things i do are 'autistic' things.

I hate using names too. I practically have to force myself and if I do I can't say them loudly. The other one is Ma'am. Sir I have not issue with but I can not address someone as a ma'am. 

I don't tend to use peoples' names either.  I don't know if I have a problem with it, but I would only use it if I had to call someone to get their attention.  I don't like it when people use my name in conversation, especially if they say it loudly in public.