Published on 12, July, 2020
Quite a few years ago, long before I realised I was autistic (despite many others probably knowing it) the tv programme ‘the undateables’ , much like that infantilising puzzle piece logo, is one of the things that gave me such a negative stereotype in my head about autism that I refused to even entertain the idea in my head that I could have been on the spectrum myself.
My problem with it is that it was presented like a 21st century freak show. It’s made by neurotypical people saying that these people are “undateable” by their standards. It’s giving neurotypical people the opportunity to feel good about themselves by watching the “cute special people” and being all happy for them. Looking back it’s like it’s about us and not for us. What I realise these days is that neurotypical people are often “undateable” by the standards of neurodivergent people. I wonder how many neurotypical people who watch the undateables think that the people featured on that programme might never want to date them in a million years? That NT people might be weirder to them than any autistic or disabled person.
Very out of character for me to go in a social justice style rant! And I really hope this doesn’t offend anyone who might like this show. I just thought I’d put this thought out into the blue yonder!
T.V. lies.
If you've ever been participated in a T.V. presentation, you'll know that to be true.
Even when it tells the truth, it'll mislead you.
Caelus, that is EXACTLY what worked for me whan I did internet dating. I told the literal truth, was clear about who and what I was all about (except I didn't know I had Autism). I specifically enjoyed relating how skint I was (so no gold to be dug here) and it worked out well.
I eliminated all the twits straight off the bat, only got "real women" replying to me. Which was of course, zero, until I decided to see how many I liked the look of. I vewed 400 profiles and found 16 that were nice looking by my own standards, of the 16 I wrote to only 4 replied. One of whom initially wrote to tell me how bad my profile was. I kept talking to all four, until one of them seemed keen enough to propose a date. (I was lucky, not knowing exactly what to say, I just woffled on generally about stuff that was happening to me and happened to relate a story about stopping and rescuing a hedgehog which was wandering blindly in the road with a polystyrene cup stuck on it's head. I jsut thought it was an amusing story particualry the faff I went through trying to get the bloody cup off "Spiney Norman"s head. Fortunately as a motorcyclist I was wearing guantlets, so at least the shrugging manouver that hedghogs can do when you pick 'em up didn't hurt. Eventually I figured out that he cup could be unscrewed and thus separated without hurting it's wearer).
Given that I had to peruse 400 profiles to get one sucessful date, I'm glad it worked out...
I'm even more glad that I had read "Games People Play", it allowed me to pick dates that played the least in the way of "bad games" and hence were more likely to be authentic.
All the women who have those standards are probably 4 foot tall and 20 stone swamp goblins too!
I'm glad I'm old in respect to dating , I'd hate to be back in that stage, it was definitely easier in the 90s as we met people face to face, all this online dating is weird to me. With all the fakeness about it, Everyone sets up for disappointment somewhere down the line.
people cant handle the truth though.try make a truthful dating site profile... tell people all your negatives.... tell them your unfit and not really that good looking, tell them every little thing that would put them off... honesty they dont like, although i still am not sure what women truly like as they seem very fussy and picky and wont give anyone a chance unless they are 7 foot tall, jacked in muscle and have 10 billion in the bank and multiple private holiday homes and mansions. even then i dont think that impresses them much and they want more.
Daft really when autistic traits would benefit a relationship,
Having the autistic traits, like favouring justice and the truth over lies and deceit, not needing small talk and hidden meanings, being extremely loyal, makes people MORE datable surely?!
At least that's my opinion!
I have watched parts of these programs and they depress me because I realise that I'm far worse than the participants being presented here.
Yeh lol I am the spider catcher lol .
Have you got mad DIY and Spider Wrangling skills too then? ;c)
yeah dating is cringe.thinking on it, i dont wanna date, but you still get natural biological urges that makes you think you want a partner and makes you sad for not having one. but outside of that interference from biology, if you get that out of the way by.. yourself... once its out of your system you dont want a date, you dont want someone else. they are pointless, and expensive, and have too many demands, and likely would want you to go out to manchester or some lame city like that while youd rather just stay in playing games or watching films chilling instead of going to awkward weird places full of weird dangerous strangers.
Agreed. And everything I’ve read online about autistic dating seems to focus on whether ‘girls will date autistic guys’. Kinda neglecting the fact that autistic women exist… in large numbers. not that I’m saying NTs and ND’s can’t date each other. But the idea that NT romantic standards are something you need to aspire to is plain wrong to me.
Yeh it’s not ideal is it. I don’t think we should find amusement from disabled people. Calling them ‘undateable’ I mean that’s just mean lol. I’m sure somebody would date them. I don’t identify with it at all. I am very dateable. Many girls would probably love to date me. Guarantee it actually. Don’t mean to toot my own horn but its true lol.