Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello all,
I'm 29 and two years ago I became suspicious that I might be autistic. I remember it had something to do with the pants I was wearing and I just frustratingly told myself: "I must have some sort of sensory disorder!" I have always had trouble with the sensory aspect of clothes (and would often change clothes several times a day because what I was wearing was bothering me). I googled sensory disorders and sensory processing disorder and autism were the only two explanations that appeared. Sensory processing disorder didn't quite fit the bill... there were several symptoms that I did not relate to at all. Since that moment I have deeply delved into all the information I could find on autism and took all the self-diagnostic tests that I could find and let's just say... I've always scored high on ANY test I take and these were no exception!
I'm quite confident now in my autism self-diagnosis. I am autistic. I know that self-diagnosing is a bit of a heated topic in the community, so if you have anything mean or unhelpful to say then maybe just... don't?
Right now I'm really struggling with autistic burnout and fatigue. Somewhere in the past decade or so I lost... something. I remember being passionate about... stuff... but now I even have trouble remembering what it was that I used to love. I know I used to love to write, and I'm trying to rekindle that passion (taking a Poetry Writing class at the moment). I love my dogs and my cats and my husband. I love to garden but that is troublesome because being outdoors can be too overwhelming on my senses (wind, sunshine in my eyes, dirt on my skin, scratchy materials that make me itchy, barking dogs, vehicle noise, neighbors, chirping birds.... it's so MUCH). I guess at the moment I'm just trying to complete each day and to give myself as much grace as possible. I realized last night that I was sorely aching for a community in which I could gain a little solace by sharing my experiences. That's how I ended up here.
I hope you all have a lovely day, stay hydrated, and enjoy every moment of peace and happiness that you can find.
Hello and welcome
Your recognition of your autism is not as late as some of us - I was in my fifties and some other people on this forum have not found out until they were in their fifties or even sixties.
I'm self diagnosed too, and I'm very happy to hear of your confidence in understanding and believing in yourself. There is no right or wrong decision about formal diagnosis - it's right for some, not for others. Everyone is very accepting here.
I understand your issues with clothes - a few years back I remember chuckling on reading that one way to know you're autistic is if you have small holes in your clothes (where you cut out the labels but weren't careful enough with the scissors!)
I've had times in my life when I found it hard to find anything that interested me. Although it can be due to depression, it can also be a reaction to masking for years - it can fill up the space in your brain that should be thinking, dreaming and creating ideas.
I hope you enjoy chatting with us.
I'm really glad that I've found a community that accepts self-diagnosis. That made me laugh about the small holes in our clothes (I've learned that a seam ripper is best for that project ).