26 and on the journey of acceptance

Hi all, new here, I've written in the about me that explains a little bit but I thought i would come here to say hello. Hello!

I have started the journey towards asking my GP for a refferal through a chosen organisation. Que the anxiety  

It's funny, I have constantly questioned what is "wrong" with me, I have researched and researched and obsessively gone down the rabbit hole more times than I can count trying to figure out what my mental health disorder must be. About 5 years ago I learnt I needed to train my brain out of this bad habit as it was only hurting myself by causing great confusion and lack of clarity due to the doctors not taking me seriously, I think all they saw was me being a hypercrondriac. 

8.3 months ago I had a little baby boy. Its been some of the hardest months of my life but also the most important because instead of going off and poorly coping with everything, drinking or constantly keeping busy, i have had to sit in my own environment and actually had to deal with what's going on. Deal with how I truly feel, deal with past traumas and experiences that I have been dealt. And somewhere in the midst of it all all, I calmy and concisely had dots connect together like I was child doodling dot to dots of a puppy, it just made sense. I was able to understand and see very clearly what I once could not see. My disordered thinking, my troubles with food, the way I get so angry and frustrated over things everyone in my life finds silly and cannot understand why I'd react like that. The way I become a "fruit-loop" when life is in complete chaos and how others know how to respond but it takes me so long to realise how I've done and said everything wrong. I'm unbelievably self aware of a numerous amount of random things about my self yet so highly incapable of seeing how I need to be to be a better sister and friend. 

Please excuse the way I am writing, when nervous I could "talk for England", I keep over sharing and if this was my social media or another forum I was in, I'd write this and delete it straight away feeling embarrassed about how I've come across to others. But I feel like if anywhere I can truly introduce myself, and be honest about how this is me, I talk a lot, but lifes events have made me a very quiet person often coming across arrogant, but in reality I love people, I love building connections and meeting new interesting characters, I'm just really really bad at it! 

Anyway, lovely to meet you guys, I know I may not be Autistic and I won't know until I've had my assessment, I'm not a professional so I know I can't just guess, but something feels like I've hit the nail on the head and it's kinda a relieving feeling to think about how I may be able to find the right support and peer groups to move forward in life. 

Have a pleasant day