Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello, I’ve found myself here after my autism assessment came out as not autistic, which really confused and upset me. I’m shocked. The ados2 part said I fit the criteria, and I scored like half on the other part. I can’t say I understand how after only five hours of knowing me she came to that decision. I was upset to read my report for them to say I had no signs of anxiety which was crazy because it just showed me how invisible my feelings really are. There was so much they didn’t understand about me and the way I communicate. Or don’t should I say. I’ve masked so well nobody can actually see me. I’ve never felt more understood by anybody more than the autistic community I’ve found online, like I fit in perfectly. I’ve never known kinder people and I feel like I’ve had the opportunity to be accepted taken away from me. Can I be here and find some comfort without a diagnosis? I have my adhd assessment still ahead of me and I’ll be absolutely mind blown if that one doesn’t come back that I do have it. I really feel like I won’t belong anywhere then. I feel unseen and I just would love the opportunity to make friends with people that understand what it’s like to be heavily masked and completely misunderstood for 35 years. If you have read this, then thank you, I just don’t know who I can talk to in this complicated world.
I'm sorry you've had this experience Fruitless. We women are incredibly good at masking and can sometimes be our own worst enemy. I flew under the radar for over 60 years, passing as neurotypical and even now with my bit of paper sitting in my medical file stating that I'm autistic (and probably ADHD) folks still don't believe I can possibly be autistic. You can absolutely self identify as autistic and everyone here will certainly accept that. After all - who knows your lived experience better than you yourself?
Did you have an NHS assesment? Perhaps you could pay privately? I know that's not within everyone's reach but the cost doesn't have to run into £1000s
Inula
I did go through the nhs yes, I’m not in a position to go private unfortunately, I don’t need a diagnosis for anything in particular in life, only my own understanding of myself and my experience. I really appreciate being able to be here amongst such genuinely lovely people. I find it hard to make friends, find support and connect with people so this is very comforting, thank you. Is it useful here for tips and strategies for the struggles we face? Still learning how to navigate the site x