Ohai

Hi. I'm from the US, originally, and had to move away because their attitude shifted against my heritage. I find it perpetually counterproductive to go into detail on that, so I won't. Anyway, what I found is that I had met absolutely all of my friends through one common acquaintance. When the politics went crazy, everyone scattered, and I discovered I had suddenly been transported back to my post secondary school situation, such that I felt completely alienated and totally unable to connect with people in person. I wound up moving out of the country, and what I found is that no matter where I go, it's me that's the space alien. I had to conclude that I have autism. I have a lot of traits in common, but I'm happy and comfortable with them. I feel entirely able, except for one thing, and that's to connect with others in person.

I'm not entirely sure what it is that puts people off about me, but I've been told things like "you're a space cadet", and "you're not all there". I assume it has something to do with gaze and attention when interacting with someone. Whether it's blank stares, unfocused eyes, or zoning out, or wandering around inside my head because I feel like the ideas are the most important part of the discussion. People don't like it, and it's been very frustrating to feel like I'm cursed, and then arrive at the sneaking suspicion that maybe people are simply put off by my how my face moves during a conversation.