Hello, I'm terrible at this

I've always been awful at introductions but I feel like I probably should. I came here posting for help but I think I should make an effort to integrate too.

I'm a somewhat newly discovering autistic, I was diagnosed as a child and had 1:1 support through school and college but never really knew or was explained what that support was for and what my needs may be. About 10+ years after leaving college and having felt like I've been failing for all of those years I'm coming around to understanding of who I may be and trying to learn what I might need or how to get around my daily struggles. Reflecting on my childhood whilst I tend to only remember the bad and I had plenty of anxiety and difficulties (as well as being bullied) I at least felt I was able to cope better and had a bit of a louder, friendly and optimistic personally. What helped with coping was probably due to that support from both 1:1 and my mother who I wish I could, today, more openly speak with and show my love and appreciation for. After everything she's done for me through my life I hope that she can feel it, somehow at least. Once that support in education stopped and my family support lessened in terms of any additional needs and understanding that I'm still 'disabled' it seemed like some of my crutches got kicked away.

I'm not sure if I have a so-called 'special interest' nowadays, or at least my interests aren't really doing much for me lately and I've found myself jumping from random fixation to fixation. My most consistent interest has been in videogames most of my life and I still care and am interested in the hobby it just doesn't lift me like it once did and I sometimes find myself seeking other mindless timewasters rather than using that time to engage with my primary hobby. I tend to find myself going down the rabbit hole on different things these days. Just today I'd looked up something about Eastenders because my parents were talking about something relating to it and ended up instead trawling through a wiki on all kinds of past characters and stories for a few hours. I have zero interest in sports but likewise I've been known to go deeper into things when an international football event like a World Cup happens to catch my attention. I'd still say generally I'd claim myself as a gamer because it's been such a constant.

I still haven't been able to come up with a name yet, quite a few of my online usernames have revolved around my actual name in some fashion but I don't think I'm comfortable with that here and others have related to the content of the site/service (such as my characters in online games reflecting the class of that character in some way) I can't really think of anything that feels identifiably 'me' as a person for a name outside of that kind of stuff. I guess I'm still on a discovery of myself beyond just the autism side of things. Who am I? What do I stand for? What do I actually like/dislike? Even if asked a simple what's my favourite food I've always had an answer I prepared for that kind of situation but I don't necessarily think it's true... I don't know what my favourite food is lol.

So, that's an introduction to me I guess. I'm hoping I can get something out of being here beyond just attempting to lean on it for practical help, support and guidance nor just burden people with another depressed autistics baggage. I hope I can reciprocate and offer something back, find myself and feel part of a community that can relate in a way other places can't.