Published on 12, July, 2020
Whatever age you are you need a little help and advise from people who have learnt the hard way by makeing mistakes lots of them what dosent kill you truley makes you stronger phisically and emotionally its good to listen to people who have lived with this for a long time either mild or severe share some of your best times and your worst no judgments were all good and bad in equal measure somd times the scales can tip either way with power you get a responsibilty
My best was the moment when I got told that I had achieved 'truly stellar' results on something that I loved deeply and had also worked incredibly hard for and was so, so pleased that it had all paid off and the work had paid off and I hadn't sacrificed my health to do so. I'd managed the eating and the rest too. It was so hard, so much extra work than non autistic people had to deal with in terms of managing the logistics of what they considered basic tasks. But I did it. I managed all of it, largely independently.
The worst moment was when I was told that my struggle with self harm would never get better, that it was an intrinsic part of my autism. And to me, who was spiraling anyway, who's self harm was getting worse and more risky every single week and who was trying my hardest, it felt like I'd just keep getting worse and worse until I eventually accidentally or deliberately caused my own death. And then a week later being told by a different medical health professional that I could stop tomorrow forever if I really wanted to and I'm not trying hard enough, when I was trying my hardest and desperately asking for help from anyone that would listen to me. And for a time after that, I considered whether I wanted to live like this for the rest of my life, and how long I could bear living like this.
But they were both wrong. And I'm furious with them for doing what they did. And one day I'd like them to know what they nearly caused, but they don't. But they were both wrong. And I did get better. I didn't get perfect, but I got better. And every other low moment it's got better. Even if the situation didn't, my emotions around it did.