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Hi I am new. Recently diagnosed son

nursecharlee

Hi my son was diagnosed with autistic spectrum disorder in June this year. He is 6 and still awaiting an assessment by the educational psychologist which he has in a couple of weeks. School have been fab but he ideally needs one to one support. His main problem is lack of bowel control which he has never fully achieved. One of the main reasons I have joined this forum is that my hubby struggled with our sons diagnosis and 5 months on we arent really any further on. He is still struggling, finding it difficult to have patience with him. I have suggested he join an online forum as he is unable to come to any local support meetings due to his shiftwork. Is there anything else I can suggest to him? I have tried reading books but he isnt interested! I would be very grateful for any advice as we are struggling as a family. Many thanks

  • I know this isn't an answer to your question but my brother has recently been diagnosed with ASD at the very late age of 13 and my step-dad is exactly the same. He wasn't involved much in the diagnosis process and now still believes it is just bad behaviour. I can see that it is putting a strain on their relationship as he isn't supporting my mum and she really needs it as she is having a difficult time with the SENCO at our school. I try my best to be there but I just wish my step-dad would appreciate that it isn't easy for her and he should be more sensitive. Like I said I know this doesn't answer you question but hopefully the fact that this problem happens a lot and you aren't on your own!

  • This is a delicate question, but does your husband have ASD?  I only ask as my ex was very similar and still is towards our sons.  In his case he is very strict, an authoritarian parent which, I believe is an aspect of his ASD. 

    If you see ASD traits in him it may explain why he is behaving the way he is.  

    I'm not trying to sew the seed as it were, but in my situation if someone had opened my eyes I would have handled things very differently and it would have helped our children cope with their fathers behaviour with insight rather than bewilderment and anger.

    In hindsight I think it would have helped if we had met up with other families with ASD children as that common bond with parents on similar journeys is invaluable in keeping you strong.  This is something I now do as a single parent and it is great to be able to talk about issues with people who understand and don't judge you.

  • Hi - it's a v difficult situation.  There are posts on here about issues like yours so do a search if you haven't already.  It's really difficult when a spouse/partner can't accept the diagnosis.  It makes everything more difficult.  You will be torn between your husband + your child, acting like a mediator/peace-maker at times.  All this will be upsetting and emotionally draining.  Your husband may respond to professionals if he can discuss things with them.  I don't know how involved he was in the diagnostic process, so just a thought.  Do you think he would join a forum such as this or even just read the posts/info without joining?  That would be a useful thing for him to do + wd hopefully help him to move on from where he presently is.  Some parents can be really intransigent about accepting the diagnosis.  They waste a great deal of time + cause so much heartache (inc. their own) before they come to terms with how things are.  As your son is now at school you should consider asking for a statement of educational needs so he can get the support he needs at school.  I knew someone who refused to accept his son was autistic.  Eventually he had to and his son went to a school for autistic children, but it could have happened a few yrs sooner, which would have benefitted everyone.  I'm not saying your son necessarily needs a school for autistic children, but it does illustrate how stubborn things can get.  There's also info about potty training on the posts and probably via the home pg.  I hope things improve for you all soon.  It's an emotional time for everyone.