Published on 12, July, 2020
I’ve been having a really hard time getting my head around my diagnoses. I partially wonder if it’s right or not. As when they are assessing you as an adult they can’t really see what you were like as a child.
When I read through other people’s stories about their late diagnoses, their early childhood stories always seem to be similar; Shy and awkward children who didn’t have many friends etc. But for me I always had friends and as far as I was aware I wasn’t an awkward child, in fact I was relatively sociable when comfortable. I was very shy when it came to being in unfamiliar environments with lots of people I didn’t know, as I did not find it easy to talk to people I didn’t know, but once I was comfortable in the environment and a few people had spoke to me, I was usually fine. I always had friends I played with outside of school, had sleepovers etc.
I do look back at some things and wonder, because with the friends I was very comfortable around I could be very bossy when we played games, but then if I was with someone who was more domineering I found it very difficult to be myself and I would be the opposite, I also copied my friends a lot and always wanted the same things as them etc, I was a very quiet child at school, mainly because I found authority figures scary as I didn’t want to be told off or have any expectations put on me but sometimes I didn’t help myself because I had a hard time focusing and tended to talk when I should have been doing my work. My interests were also pretty typical of my age, but I do recall my friends not being as into dolls as I was, they just didn’t seem to be as intense as me. I have one really vivid memory from year 3, my friends and I were pretending we were S Club 7 and I remember having the best time because I knew so much about S Club 7 and this was something loved, I very rarely enjoyed group games but I had such an amazing lunchtime and was so sad the day was over as I was going to America the next day and was afraid I would miss out. I can’t figure out whether I was just really good at masking and copying others so nothing ever really stood out for me in these years.
Overall my younger years of my childhood were actually really lovely, it was just my behaviour at home that wasn’t, as I was much more defiant and stroppy when at home, it wasn’t until I hit preteen/teen age that I started to feel different to my peers and became really preoccupied with my friendships. I don’t know whether it’s because friendships become more sophisticated and navigating my way around that was overwhelming but despite this I still managed to always have friends.
Has anyone else had a similar experience? I just don’t know whether they are wrong about the diagnosis.
Aimeelou1992 said:when they are assessing you as an adult they can’t really see what you were like as a child.
They can only work on the info you give them in the assessment so they rely on your memory and this is often inaccurate.
Also remember that autism is a spectrum of traits, so you may not have the traits that cause the same social issues as others - this is perfectly normal and acceptable.
The diagnosis will be based on whether you met the criteria on a wide range of fronts - not on all fronts though, that is important.
If you performed the clinical questionaires (RAADS tests etc) then the chances of a misdiagnosis are small indeed, and I certainly would not worry about your childhood being a positive thing for you to be a red flag.
I think that what you are experiencing is a very autistic trait - imposter syndrome.
Thankyou for responding.
you're absolutely right! I think I am just over thinking. I have a Post Diagnostic Session next week so hopefully they can enlighten me....