Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello everyone! I'm a 29 year old girl from Wales. I'm currently waiting to be assessed and I'm touch with a whole bunch of services for support.
I think I'm in an Autistic burnout. I lost my job last October because they weren't happy with my performance and motivation. I was originally diagnosed with depression, GAD and Social Anxiety. I have a cardiac arrhythmia that was suspected to have been triggered by constant stress. More recently my doctors even suspected BPD. These conditions and my inability to control them almost cost me my current relationship. My partner didn't know I was autistic at the time and he totally thought that I was just being horrible and difficult towards him. He couldn't understand why I wasn't more independent or why I melted down all the time. The worst part was I didn't know either and so I felt huge guilt.
That almost break up paired with the fact that we are in a long distance relationship pushed me over the edge. We managed to patch things up and I agreed to travel with him to his home country. I had no clue that was going to overwhelm me so much. Like I have trouble navigating in this society which I was born in, so imagine my shock being in a whole other culture, with a whole other language and social rules! We were living in a city too so my sensory overload was unbearable every time we went out. I thought I would be fine but I wasn't. I came back home after 3 months and couldn't get out of bed for a week. Things haven't gotten much better since either, I'm emotional, irritated, picky with my food and sleeping ALL of the time. After some research and talks with my family and partner, we decided to consider autism as a possibility. That story is actually way more complex and frustrating but that's the gist of it anyway lol.
I'm struggling to come to terms with the idea I'm autistic. At the same time I am relieved to find myself in the many autistic YouTubers and in books such as 'Drama Queen' and 'Unmasking Autism'. I have no idea what to do whilst I await assessment. I have no idea how to get back to work and I feel a bit lost... Anyway its nice to join the community
It will be nice to read other people's posts!
"Essere autistici è solo un'etichetta: sei una delle poche percentuali della popolazione che ha i geni che ti rendono autistico (supponendo che tu sia effettivamente autistico ovviamente) e questo significa che percepisci il mondo in modo diverso rispetto al restante 95% della popolazione."