Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello everyone! I'm a 29 year old girl from Wales. I'm currently waiting to be assessed and I'm touch with a whole bunch of services for support.
I think I'm in an Autistic burnout. I lost my job last October because they weren't happy with my performance and motivation. I was originally diagnosed with depression, GAD and Social Anxiety. I have a cardiac arrhythmia that was suspected to have been triggered by constant stress. More recently my doctors even suspected BPD. These conditions and my inability to control them almost cost me my current relationship. My partner didn't know I was autistic at the time and he totally thought that I was just being horrible and difficult towards him. He couldn't understand why I wasn't more independent or why I melted down all the time. The worst part was I didn't know either and so I felt huge guilt.
That almost break up paired with the fact that we are in a long distance relationship pushed me over the edge. We managed to patch things up and I agreed to travel with him to his home country. I had no clue that was going to overwhelm me so much. Like I have trouble navigating in this society which I was born in, so imagine my shock being in a whole other culture, with a whole other language and social rules! We were living in a city too so my sensory overload was unbearable every time we went out. I thought I would be fine but I wasn't. I came back home after 3 months and couldn't get out of bed for a week. Things haven't gotten much better since either, I'm emotional, irritated, picky with my food and sleeping ALL of the time. After some research and talks with my family and partner, we decided to consider autism as a possibility. That story is actually way more complex and frustrating but that's the gist of it anyway lol.
I'm struggling to come to terms with the idea I'm autistic. At the same time I am relieved to find myself in the many autistic YouTubers and in books such as 'Drama Queen' and 'Unmasking Autism'. I have no idea what to do whilst I await assessment. I have no idea how to get back to work and I feel a bit lost... Anyway its nice to join the community
It will be nice to read other people's posts!
Sari-chan said:I'm struggling to come to terms with the idea I'm autistic
Being autistic is just a label - you are one of the few percent of the population that has the genes which make you autistic (assuming you are actually autistic of course) and this means you perceive the world differently to the remaining 95-ish percent of the population.
Sari-chan said:I have no idea what to do whilst I await assessment. I have no idea how to get back to work and I feel a bit lost
Do what makes you feel happy as much as you can. This will help you recharge from your burnout and become better suited to the job hunt ahead.
How did you find your first job? Can you repeat the process to get another?
If you give us an indication of the job you did we could give some pointers to finding another like it if that is what you want.
If you want a different job then tell us your areas of special interest and we can see if there are any autistic friendly roles you can consider.
Lastly, are you considering moving to your boyfriends country? From what you describe and your username it sounds like Japan (one of my favourite destinations) which is an absolute assault on the senses, but if you can get a place in the countryside then the chances are you could adapt to this much better.
There is loads we can help with here so feel free to give as much detail as you are comfortable with and we will try to work from that.