Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, I have 22 year old twins who I strongly believe have Aspergers. They are both also hearing impaired and wear hearing aids. They finished college four years ago and since then have retreated into their bedroom, unfortunately due to space they have to share. I did get them to a psychologist for a session to try and discuss their problems but unfortunately she launched into a part diagnosis for Aspergers which involved asking myself and my husband lots of questions about how they were growing up. She then fed it into her computer and using an algorythym said they both had Aspergers. A quick chat with both of them separately followed when she advised them they had Aspergers. One of them thinks he has inattentive ADHD but she dismissed that. I personally don't think he has that as he spends his nights in front of a computer and days in bed asleep. Despite them saying they don't want to do that they want to get up earlier and go to bed earlier they just do not seeem to be able to achieve it. The psychologist said it was motivation a classic sign of Aspergers. We left with follow up appointments to have a more detailed chat with them and a full diagnosis. Following the meeting the psychologist chatted with her colleagues and they advised she couldn't be sure it was Aspergers as the deafness may have played a big part in the way they are. They were not diagnosed until the age of 3 and when they started school at 4 had very little speech. Also as they were so against any kind of diagnosis, probably because they disagreed with it, and was causing them more anxiety it wasn't ethical to continue. So back to square one. What and where do we go now? I have discussed the possibility of going to another psychologist with a view to them having a session to chat through their problems but they are reluctant to do so. One wants to work through whatever problems they have on their own and the other seems to be only interested in a diagnosis of inattentive ADHD and he thinks some medication will sort him out. We have visited the GP albeit pre pandemic and she advised all she could offer was ITalk a talking therapy which they will not entertain and I am not sure this is right for them. They suffered a huge shock back in February when their cat suddenly died and all discussions or trying to change anything has gone on hold. They won't let me hoover the bedroom as they don't want to lose her fur and won't let me take her bowl of dried food up. For background my father-in-law suffered with social anxiety, rituals etc and was very difficult to talk to, my husband suffers with social anxiety and finds it difficult to talk to people and was diagnosed as being neuro diverse at work. So I think there is something within the family. At present my twins live their life in their bedroom, up all night, asleep all day. They actively avoid people and if we have extended family visit they will hide from them. They have limited interests of computers, anything Dr Who related, music (they taught themselves to play the keyboard and are now learning the guitar) and Lego. They keep buying Lego sets but don't ever get round to making them, one of them has over 20 to make. They don't venture out, only go out with myself or my husband but to get them out is very hard work. Seem to have a childlike outlook on life and don't seem to think about or want a job as a means to support themselves or even to have money to go out or buy stuff. Sorry for the long post but if any one has any ideas or advice on where we go from here, it would be much appreciated.
NAS74266 said: What and where do we go now? I have discussed the possibility of going to another psychologist with a view to them having a session to chat through their problems but they are reluctant to do so
They are adults so there is nothing you can do outside of trying to persuade them,
You could try things like restricting access to the internet overnight to make them move to a more sensible schedule to engage in other activities.
You may have to become more authoritarian in terms of the hoovering and old cat food - it is after all your house and they are only guests, so until they get a job and contribute to the costs then they have limited rights.
Your discussions do strongly indicate that they have autism but if they are refusing a diagnosis then you may be able to offer them a trade of x nights of internet access in excahange for undergoing a test. I would recommend a RAADS test (multiple choice so easy and no interaction required) then a follow up meeting with a psychotherapist with exerience in these cases,
You can use a diagnosis to get them additional support etc but only if they agree, so making them want to agree to it is your challenge.
Where does the money for their lego come from? If it is you then make ongoing access to this dependant on the assessments by a specified date.
Do you think any of this is achievable?