Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi everyone, I'm new here. I was told from cahms to reach out for support from others. My daughter just turned 10. She has autism, we have her assessment next month. We went private due to the length of the waiting list. I'm really struggling at the moment. She just constantly says she feels sick and shuts down and picks at her skin. She's constantly in my face telling me she's bored but everything I just get a shake of the head. She's started hissing at me like a cat when I talk to her. I'm at my wits end I don't know what to do or how to cope, when she shuts herself in her room I cry feeling guilty that I'm failing her.
Sorry for the long post but I don't know what to do.
I have never heard of this. Thank you so much it's something I will look into just now.
Mammamia said:She's constantly in my face telling me she's bored but everything
This is not that uncommon with children in general, but for autistic children (please note that the "preferred" terminoligy is that they ARE autistic rather than HAVE autism - a subtle but important differentiation as it is a condition and not a disorder / illness) the issues can become magnified.
I'll quote something about when autictic children feel overwhelmed or become "stuck", from the book:
The Loving Push - How Parents and Professionals Can Help Spectrum Kids Become Successful Adults - Debra Moore, PhD, Temple Grandin, PhD (2016)eISBN 9781941765296As a parent or professional, this is when you may experience empathy for their genuinely miserable state, as well as impatience and irritation. When you’re disappointed or afraid for your child, you have to hold those emotions in check. Instead, you must remind yourself that this is a classic part of the journey, not its endpoint.First, calmly listen to your child’s fears or ranting without yet offering solutions or trying to fix it. Gently ask questions to get a fuller sense of their particular negative self-beliefs that have kicked in. Has this convinced them that they are worthless? That the world is out to get them? That they are never going to succeed?They need some time for their emotional arousal to diminish. The chemicals that are now coursing through their brain and fueling fear and negativity will likely decline over time. This may take days, not hours. In the meantime, keep a regular schedule, offer small acts of kindness, and simply voice that you can see their level of distress and you realize it feels awful. Unless you see signs that they are open to talking or listening, though, just give them some space for now, knowing you will return to the issue soon.
Most of the book is written with teenagers as the focus so isn't overly useful yet, but it sounds like taking the time to come up with some ideas for activities / hobbies and getting your daughter to come up with some, then working through what they mean would be helpful.
If she just wants to ride horses then point out the requirements are that she needs money so needs to earn it by doing chores / dog walking etc (good life lessons) then she can do it once a month for example.
Highlight that it is a rare treat so she need something less hard to earn for everyday - let her come up with ideas and talk through the framework in how they can be achieved.
For example if she wants to paint pictures of horses then she needs to tidy her room every evening before 8pm so you can put up any paintings from the previous day. This builds routine, structure, dependency knowlede and also (importantly) gives the pictures time to dry...
You get the idea - she is more likely to want to do something she suggests as it gives her more self agency. By you explaining the how and why it can be done, you are teaching her about the bigger picture in life which gives her the beginnings of the tools to think that way herself in future.
Some other books that may also help are:
Asperger's Answer Book - The Top 275 Questions Parents Ask - Susan Ashley PhD (2006)ISBN 1402219776Asperger's Syndrome - A Guide to Helping Your Child Thrive at Home and at School - Melinda Docter, Ed.D._ Syed Naqvi, MD (2010)ISBN 9780470630747 Everyday activities to help your young child with autism live life to the full - Debra S Jacobs, Dion E BettseISBN 9780857004826Hints and Tips for Helping Children with Autism Spectrum Disorders - Useful Strategies for Home, School, and the Community - Dion E. Betts and Nancy J. PatrickISBN 9781843108962
Good luck
Hi, sorry to jump in on your conversation, there is an association called RDA, Riding for the disabled Association. They take children riding as a one to one or a group it depends on how the child wants to do it. They cover many different disabilities, quite a few autistic children attend and have got a lot out of it. It might be worth a try. rda.org.uk
I just mention this because in my experience autistic people rarely 'get board' of their special interests.
She loves horses, lights,art and fidgets. Her room has recently been redecorated to suit her needs.
does she have a special interest?