Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello everyone. I'm the mom of two teenage boys, living in the US.
One of my sons I have suspected to be autistic for years, although so far he is only diagnosed with inattentive ADHD.
My other son has struggled with severe separation anxiety and sensory defensiveness and ARFID, but I frankly didn't believe until recently that he might well also be autistic - it wasn't as obvious somehow - I simply thought he was introverted and socially anxious and had sensory issues.
It's also clear to me that my husband, a stereotypical science nerd with very rigid habits (alongside many wonderful qualities), is autistic; and I myself also definitely have some neurodivergent qualities, although I think I have spent my life desperately trying to seem "normal."
As the one who has primarily been responsible for all the big parenting decisions (to homeschool, when and whether to seek various therapies over the years, how to gradually launch these two almost-adult boys into their next chapters, etc etc) - and having a natural tendency to worry like crazy, I feel like I go around with my heart in my throat a lot of the time. At least in the US, genuine understanding of the neurodivergent experience is a lot easier to find outside of the professional community (of therapists, psychiatrists) than within it, and so when one really needs help, it's hard to know where it's safe or productive to turn. I think that's the worst part - being desperate for guidance, and finding more MISunderstanding than understanding when one reaches to professionals for support. I long for a day when there are more neurodivergent people in the clinical community.
That's probably more than enough for now. Sending out good wishes to all of you!
Calla said:I long for a day when there are more neurodivergent people in the clinical community.
That is kind of ironic as there are probably a high percentage of people in the clinical community who are undiagnosed autists themselves.
The specialisation and focus plus the desire to be doing the research largely away from people are all things that many autists strive for, and the intellect required to do this at a high level is another classic autistic trait.
If only the phrase "physician heal thyself" were taken seriously, the community may begin to see itself for what it is and learn to treat others in a more appropriate way.
Just my take on the scene.
"Physician heal thyself" is definitely a good place to start. But I think that although in research, there probably are a high percentage of autistics, this is not so much the case among therapists who actually work with kids; I've encountered very few practicing psychologists/ therapists who didn't seem heartily neurotypical, or who had any intuition about my kids' struggles. Maybe that's because my boys didn't have autism diagnoses and we weren't dealing with therapists who were trained specifically to work with autistic kids. But from what I've gathered, at least in the US, even those who specialize in working with autistic kids are almost always neurotypical themselves, and come from the perspective that their job is to make autistic children resemble NT children as closely as possible, rather than to attempt any understanding of the autistic child's inner experience.
I would offer a Zoom consultation, but my professional indemnity insurance does not extend to the USA unless I take out a mortgage to pay the extra premium!
I'm sorry that I'm so late in responding. Ian, a special interest group like this is exactly what we need in the US - I think there are efforts in this direction by certain individuals, but so far nothing large-scale has resulted. Having a therapist start with "I am autistic and I have ADHD" would give me such a profound sense of relief - it would save so much explaining and misunderstanding to be dealing with someone who knows neurodivergent experience from the inside rather than having read or studied about it. I hope it will start to get easier to find social workers like you in the US!
Sometimes being autistic oneself helps to see where the kids are coming from. We are all different. I enjoy training and meeting clients. In a professional context I have a professional boundaries and procedures to follow. I am less comfortable making small talk in "social" situations.
Here in the UK a lot of professionals are "coming out" as neurodivergent. I am a social worker and the British Association of Social Workers has set up a special interest group for neurodivergent social workers. It has also produced a Code of Practice for all social workers working with clients who are autistic or have learning difficulties (for US readers that means retardation not educational disability).
As a social worker I sometimes start " I am autistic and have ADHD. I've been there, done that taken the Ritalin and lost the tee-shirt. Now tell me about yourtself ... "
I have recently been recognised as a DSA-funded Non-Medical Helper - Mentor for university students with autism, ADHD or mental health issues.
Calla said: from what I've gathered, at least in the US, even those who specialize in working with autistic kids are almost always neurotypical themselves
That is probably because they need a strong degree of empathy to be effective in their line of work I guess - something aspies are not often very good at.
I agree about the therapists being mostly NT as I don't see aspies doing well having to meet new people a lot and deal with their issues without being overloaded themselves.