Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
My Son who is 4 was recently diagnosed as having autism. I'm still struggling to really understand. I wanted to ask a few questions if possible from people who are experienced.
My Son is such a happy beautiful little boy, he is currently obsessed with trains and flaps his hands with excitement when watching them.
I'm struggling a little with his need to want things his own way, example, i go to open the front door, he goes mad and says Kye do it, (his name) If I don't let him he has a meltdown, even things like if I decide to sit in the back garden he tells me no garden and will get really upset if I don't go inside, if we are at the shop and he wants the man to serve him but the lady does he again gets really distressed. Is this the type of behaviour you see in people with ASD? do they want everything to be particular and how they want to do it? I only ask because people are saying his pushing boundaries and it isn't part of his ASD, I'm struggling to understand why he gets so upset over the smallest things?
Could someone please help
Thank you x
Mags
Trouble is these things can be either in a small child. Most toddlers try it on to test where the boundaries are. They give up when it becomes plain parent, not them, is in charge.
However, most toddlers are through this tantrum stage by four.
It can also be the case that his insistence on sameness and predictability are part of ASD. He thought the man would serve, now he's been surprised by the woman and can't cope with the unexpected surprise.
As regards you being in the garden...well, theory of mind is a bit different for us. If he wants to be in doors, he probably can't see why you might have a different desire. Also, it probably makes him feel safe to have everything where he wants and expects it, including you.
I'm no way suggesting you pander to his demands, but given he can't read or read well your body language etc indicating your intention and desire, it's important to keep very simply and firmly articulating them, along the lines of: 'Mummy wants to be in the garden. You will be ok if mummy is in the garden.' And keep repeating like broken record.
Thank you so very much for your reply! I really appreciate it, thank you for giving me suggestions to use. I definitely will try these :) xx