Grateful to Be Here

I am a retired former teacher and writer. (She, her.) I have known all my life that my brain worked differently than that of others in my life. Only in my 20s when I took a graduate course in special education did I find out I was dyslexic. Twenty years ago my brother discovered on his own that he probably had Aspergers. Shortly thereafter he took his life from sheer hopelessness. After his death, I read everything on autism I could find. I could relate to some of what I read, especially being a loner and having special interests. (I prefer to call them passions.) But I was too scared at the time to consider that I might also be on the spectrum. Last month my adult granddaughter shared that she had recently been diagnosed with  ASD and ADHD. We talked for hours and I became flooded with memories of 75 years struggling to appear "normal".in a world that has always felt alien to me. I managed to pass most of the time, but at great emotional cost. After reading the recent research and exploring online.I was struck by the understanding that my brother and I both shared an ASD legacy probably passed down from our Dad. I was inspired by the relief and hope my grandaughter expressed at her diagnosis, so I took the AQ and two other online tests. The results added more credence to my insights. It is such a relief to know my brain is not broken - just different.