Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi, I'm new here and this is my first time reaching out on any kind of social forum. I was recently diagnosed with autism, I have struggled a lot my whole life with social interactions and due to so many misunderstandings and trauma I have spent a long time believing there is something wrong with me/that I'm a bad person (because no matter how hard I would try I would still upset or annoy people without understanding or realising).I was previously diagnosed with bipolar but recently it has been concluded that it was always autism and ADHD, which due to not being picked up on led to many problems that then caused the psychosis like secondary issues.I've lived more than 10 years now in isolation, and live alone. I don't go outside and I am afraid to be seen by others or interact with them so I only see doctors and such for my many health issues. I rely on pets and online interactions to deal with the loneliness, but found that online gaming communities are very toxic and I couldn't cope in them anymore.I have really severe anxiety, so have never been able to reach out in any communities before now. I hope I haven't overshared, as I know I have a habit of doing so and annoying people.It would be nice to have people to talk to though, so thank you for your time if anyone has spent it reading this :)
Hi Goblin, welcome home, nice to have you with us
Psychosis was a secondary issue for me also. I had a mental breakdown in 2017 because my autism had been missed for 35 years. I spent 5 years in psychiatric hospitals that could have been avoided if i got the right support for my autistic needs sooner
Hope you find this community beneficial, i certainly have since December
I'm sorry Jamie, I've never been in a psychiatric hospital but I've had countless mental breakdowns. I have a lot of meltdowns to this day when things become overwhelming (and with my anxiety and a lot of sensory issues that isn't a hard thing to trigger). They were considered manic breakdowns and therefore a symptom of bipolar, but I never had the ups that come with it, only really low lows and the mania.I do also suffer from hallucinations/night terrors/sleep paralysis etc. and a lot of trouble sleeping in general. It's a really weird adjustment to look back on a lifetime of feeling one way and being so lost, only to find out that you're autistic and could have been supported all along.I spent more than 10 years medicated for bipolar, various different kinds of pills that never helped because I guess it was never the problem. It's certainly an adjustment, but at least it feels like there's a way forward now :)
Goblin said:I spent more than 10 years medicated for bipolar
Sorry to hear that. I also thought i had bi-polar for many years. My diagnosis is schizophrenia but autism being missed was the issue all along
Goblin said:but at least it feels like there's a way forward now :)
Yes absolutely, and this place can be a refuge/sanctuary for you now which will help also
Yes, it already feels like one because of how welcoming everyone is being. It's very new to me!I know how tricky psychosis can be, most anti-psychotics aren't viable for me either due to side effects they cause so generally the answer is "have fun with the hallucinations, I guess" (which are never fun). It's really weird thinking about things and recognising that it was autism from the start, and a strange identity problem to tackle.