Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi there,
I've been trying to pluck up my courage for a while to reach out on a forum like this, but it feels very daunting, not sure how it all works! So here goes... I'm a 37 year old woman diagnosed with ADHD about 5 years ago and autism Feb this year, after many years of incorrect diagnoses and struggles. I think I've masked for so long that I'm sort of going through a bit of an identity crisis, trying to work out what has been me and what has been masking etc. I'm guessing that's reasonably common among late diagnosed people? I don't know any other autistic people (well not any who have told me they are anyway!) and would really like to connect with other people with similar experiences etc. I emigrated to the UK 2 and a half years ago (during the height of the pandemic!) and have basically just not managed to connect with many people since then. I've always struggled to make friends, and had finally got some great ones, and then left the country, so it's been tricky!
I'm a teacher, working in alternative education, and am also doing a conversion MSc in Psychology, (and I have a 7 year old!), so life is very busy, but would love to be able to chat here at least! I think very deeply about all sorts of things and find that many people find deep conversations uncomfortable and prefer small talk, which I find very challenging! So would be great if anyone is keen to chat!
Hope I've done this correctly... Haha!
Hi. Welcome. I am also new to this. I have recently become convinced I am autistic (an on th wait list for an assessment) and it has unraveled much of how I saw myself and how I interpret past events. TBH, not having a fun time of it at the moment with trying to sort my head out, but the people here seem nice enough (i first posted a couple of days ago).
If you don't mind me asking,where did you emigrate from? (please feel free to not answer if yo do not want to).
Hi! Thanks for replying :) Sounds like we're having some similar experiences! Sorry to hear you're struggling with it all too! I emigrated from South Africa, so not too hectic a move as my home language is English and I have some family here and have visited quite a bit , but still an adjustment! Things are done quite differently here, sometimes for the better and sometimes not! One thing I've noticed is that, especially in a work context, people are often incredibly polite and reserved, which means that I am sometimes left wondering what is actually being said - like being told 'it would be great if you could attend the meeting if it's not too inconvenient' whereas in SA it would be 'be at the meeting or there's trouble', haha! I mean, it's not that dramatic, but that sort of idea! So I find myself analysing what people say all the time! I mean, I've always done that, but even more than usual!
It's so weird looking back over the past 30 odd years and seeing things in a totally new light. My husband keeps going, 'oh, that explains why you did/said that' etc! So it's hectic, but it has also really helped me understand myself more and my husband to understand me more too, so that's positive. Do you have an idea of the wait time for your assessment? The wait is super stressful I know!
I suspect autistic people have a particular problem in the UK because we are very reserved and couch our language in ways, as you suggest, that make it difficult to understand. Someone I work with is italian (i think) and very expressive and I find it sooo much easier to pick up on her expressions.
I was told the wait is 2 to 3 years, about 6 months ago. Being late 40's I guess I am not a priority. I long ago gave up on socializing outside of work or having relationships as I thought I was just too broken - I never understood why I had such difficulties. Now that we have the wondrous internet and I can watch to stories of autistic people on youtube, i can see the root of my issues and hopefully a path to getting better ways to deal with it besides isolation.
I should say though that I consider that I am very fortunate to be gifted with a moderately high IQ. I can't help but think that if I were not so fortunate in that regard, i would be truly f'ed.
ok ... sorry if that was a downer ... As I say, i am trying to sort through my new reality and it is not easy.
Ah, haha, I think maybe I voted it down, hahaha, that is pretty funny - sign of my low self esteem! I'm totally new to forums as I say! Oops