Published on 12, July, 2020
I’m 53 and deep down have always known that my outlook is very different to others.
For as long as I can remember I’ve struggled with things that some find easy and even exciting, I have just developed strategies to cope with the demands of life, mainly ensuring I’m busy, I’m in control and things are on my terms. This obviously doesn’t always work and relationships have suffered.
I haven’t sought help or a diagnosis before as I always thought it was just me, but the more the world has changed and the more we are encouraged to accept and celebrate our differences the more I have realised I may not be on my own.
However, what will having a diagnosis change for me, I will still feel all the things I have felt for the last 40 plus years, the anxiety won’t go away when my husband suggests going somewhere different on holiday, I won’t suddenly be able to maintain friendships.
What's changed for me on receiving my diagnosis is that I'm a lot kinder to myself. I've been able to tell myself that it's okay when I can't do things other people find easy, because I'm not a terribly flawed and useless person, I'm just living in a world that's not set up for people like me.
I still can't drive or cook without a meltdown, and I still find the supermarket to be a sensory nightmare, but knowing why has brought so much relief and self-knowledge that it's a little easier to just... not do things, instead of pushing myself to Be More Normal.
I was 70 last week, i've always been very very shy, when i was about 20 i went my doctor, all he did was give me a little book ......... don't be shy. I suppose things are very different now than 50yrs ago. I was talking to my GP now, a few months ago and he asked if i'd like to get diagnosed, but i said, at my age, is it worth it. All they'll do is give me a piece of paper telling me what i already know. I don't think it's worth a 2yr wait on the Nhs, or a 2wk wait, and pay £2k private. But the last few days i've been wondering. I've got a form here to try and claim PIP, i've put a lot on it about being autistic, and the troubles i have mixing / talking. Will the DWP take my word for it, without having that piece of paper ?
PIP is horrible to try and claim. Even with the bit of paper. I have it for my physical disability which is very visible and even then they try to make your points score as low as possible. It doesn't have to cost 2k, mine was a quarter of that with Sara Heath at Autonomy. But as I say even with it PIP is hard to get.