Published on 12, July, 2020
I’m 53 and deep down have always known that my outlook is very different to others.
For as long as I can remember I’ve struggled with things that some find easy and even exciting, I have just developed strategies to cope with the demands of life, mainly ensuring I’m busy, I’m in control and things are on my terms. This obviously doesn’t always work and relationships have suffered.
I haven’t sought help or a diagnosis before as I always thought it was just me, but the more the world has changed and the more we are encouraged to accept and celebrate our differences the more I have realised I may not be on my own.
However, what will having a diagnosis change for me, I will still feel all the things I have felt for the last 40 plus years, the anxiety won’t go away when my husband suggests going somewhere different on holiday, I won’t suddenly be able to maintain friendships.
No, we are what we are. But knowing you are autistic does mean that you can sort of give yourself permission to be different. Many people find that they just unmask. We don't have to do things everyone else does, just because everyone else does it. We can do stuff our way.
You don't need a formal diagnosis to self-identify or adjust your life to suit you, but it can help if you need support from any of the services going forward or need adjustments at work etc.
The benefits I find lie in other people's understanding. I already know me.
That makes a lot of sense thank you, I suppose it’s like I’ve worked so hard for so long to be able to function in a world that can be hostile to me, the thought of being any different fills me with dread. I have eased up on myself a lot and I do allow myself just to be, maybe that has come with age. What has gone before can’t be changed and I shouldn’t dwell on what could have been.