Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all, just interested in finding out how you became aware of your Autism?
for me, it was very recently at the age of 53, i had been sat doing a bit of soul searching, sat there looking back through my life realising i havent had as many relationships as others my age, and realising i only have family and work colleague, not friends and that i have struggle throughout life to try to form any.
i find starting up conversations can be very difficult, and keeping them going more so, i have never felt comfortable in social settings, often trying to find a corner to slink off in to. Centre of attention is a big no, i had to give a best mans speech once, i didnt sleep well for 3 weeks, and on the big day had to have plenty of support from the wife and dutch courage from the bottle.
I thought i may have just been very insecure and shy but decided, although its too late in life to change whats past, i would have a chat with my GP, just to see if there was anything that could explain "me".
having completed the test she sent, it came back with the result of strong Autistic characteristics. i now have to wait to get a proper assessment, but this could help explain why i am the way i am
Siggy
I had known all my life that I was' different', 'odd', 'strange' etc. Others have unkindly told me since infancy.
As a small child, from time to time I threw tantrums, especially when they tried to make me eat meat. Growing up, I never fitted in and always felt that I was on the outside looking in. It was lonely and confusing. Why was everyone else so different? Why was no-one like me?
Then, moving on a few decades.. difficult decades.. I discovered that stimming had a name; I had been doing it my whole life, always in private, and just didn't know that others did it. Following that, I stumbled upon films of autistic children doing it, and thought to myself, 'Oh! autistic folk do it too'. Then, after some rather uncomfortable thinking, I went to the library where I found a book by Gillan Drew "An Adult with an Autism Diagnosis" subtitled 'A guide for the Newly Diagnosed.' Well, that was a significant find. I found parts of myself on so many pages. Gillan's biography had many similarities to my life story except, notably, that he had been diagnosed at 28.
As a result I sought help, and after nearly a lifetime of misdiagnoses ('anxiety disorder' etc ) I was diagnosed a few years ago.... in my mid sixties.
And then, better late than never... I began to understand and accept who I am....
I am Ben