Possibly an imposter?

Aged 60 without a diagnosis, but have always struggled to fit in, etc.. Recently retired earlier than I really wanted to as I couldn't adjust to constant changes to working environment.

Had an assessment for autism some years ago, but no positive diagnosis. Personally I think the jury is still out.

I know that I have constructed the person that I appear to be to others. So, for example, I make a positive effort to make eye contact in interview situations because I know it's "odd" not to. I've learned to make people laugh with my "odd" observational humour, so that, even if I'm not exactly accepted, at least I may be appreciated for that and not rejected outright. But for all my attempts to fit in, to me this all just highlights the difference to me. It feels fundamentally false: an elaborate lie, a constructed personality which allows me to simulate relationships. It's not really clear to me that I am a person that others can relate to in the conventional sense. It's obvious enough that people don't get out of me what they expect and my attempts to provide it cost me a lot. I and they get very little if anything lasting out of the exchange

On very rare occasions, a more genuine relationship may develop, but mostly I don't want that. My wife and child seem to "get" me most of the time and know that I need to be left alone a lot. I wouldn't be without them, but I think they know that I get on better with animals really!

I'm not sure what life is going to be like for me without the routine of work. I relied a lot on that despite the problems of work relationships. Things aren't looking too good several months into retirement.

Parents
  • Hi: let's see if I understand.
    
    Your fear is that of the exact diagnosis.
    
    We call it imposter syndrome.
    
    For now I write to you that:
    
    a) You have a diagnosis and the people who determined it are prepared and have studied exactly to understand.
    
    So be sure it's right.
    
    
    b) You are not the first individual that I consider special, who has had a diagnosis at a late age.
    
    There are various reasons and in any case you have been very good at adapting to neurotypicals.
    
    I have professional diagnoses from both DSM 4à and DSM5°.
    
    I am certain of my diagnosis because it is the result of scientific research.
    
    
    Up until the first professional diagnosis, I didn't describe myself as autistic.
    
    But many Aspergers also wrote me privately that I was like them.
    
    Now I can say without any doubt that they were right.
    
    
    *I re-entered the forum very late because I couldn't log in I had lost my password and the system didn't work to give me a different one.
    
    I apologize very much to the people who have paid attention to me and replied.
    
    
    Sorry I wrote about it here.
    
    
    In any case: always to answer you I'm writing to a 74 year old who was diagnosed about 6 years ago!
    
    He's American, and has a remarkable intelligence.
    
    He too, like you, has adapted in his own way.
    
    It's not simple at all.
    
    You are special.
    
    I have spent part of my life in understanding by myself, then having confirmations, and finally the first diagnosis.
    
    I thought autistics had worse emblematic difficulties than mine.
    
    But I say one thing: each person is an individual to himself.
    
    I found that there was no difference in some things that maybe I will describe more carefully.
    
    Have no doubts.
    
    The diagnosis is right.
    
    We are too honest not to think about it and have doubts about it.
    
    But they are just fears.
    
    Fears = we do not understand.
    
    That's why we have this phase which, if anything, denotes a lot of intellectual honesty.
  • I have to disagree on trusting diagnoses.. it really depends where, and who. Clinical and medical error unfortunately actually has an incredibly high rate. Accuracy is not guaranteed at all, especially not these days.
    As a former teacher, I am certain that the vast majority of those who gain a qualification, are not competent enough to work accurately in their field of study, and need two things to achieve this:
    1. Extensive experience in the job. But some people are new to the job and doing it anyway (how else to get experience?)
    2. Dedication to accuracy or high intelligence. A lot of people pass any kind of course but still aren't good problem-solvers, and go out into the world with a very rigid framework that's susceptible to error, and in fields that don't get feedback or evidence of their ability returning to them, this problem can be even more extensive.
    As a technical problem solver, I think if I treated my customers computers they way most doctors treat medical analysis, they would be coming back 5x a week confused and pissed off and with the same problems they started with.
    Some countries medical professionals are huge scammers, too, like Australia, where they fake vaccine reports for citizens just to get the medicare payout, and then patients are denied vaccines because they have too many on record lol. If that isn't low, I don't know what is (that literally happened to me, by two completely different doctors).
    Hell, I have really bad arthititis that was being diagnosed as depression for 2 years!!! And some undiagnosed conditons that have me mostly paralysed, but instead of scans and proper diagnosis, the doctor (who doesn't even know what autism is), is offended by how different I am and wants me to get psychological help instead of assisting me with the physical injuries that it took huge efforts for me to find a way around to visit him for lol.
    Some people got their medical license in a box of cereal, I'm afraid. This is why multiple diagnoss and second opinions is generally a good idea.

Reply
  • I have to disagree on trusting diagnoses.. it really depends where, and who. Clinical and medical error unfortunately actually has an incredibly high rate. Accuracy is not guaranteed at all, especially not these days.
    As a former teacher, I am certain that the vast majority of those who gain a qualification, are not competent enough to work accurately in their field of study, and need two things to achieve this:
    1. Extensive experience in the job. But some people are new to the job and doing it anyway (how else to get experience?)
    2. Dedication to accuracy or high intelligence. A lot of people pass any kind of course but still aren't good problem-solvers, and go out into the world with a very rigid framework that's susceptible to error, and in fields that don't get feedback or evidence of their ability returning to them, this problem can be even more extensive.
    As a technical problem solver, I think if I treated my customers computers they way most doctors treat medical analysis, they would be coming back 5x a week confused and pissed off and with the same problems they started with.
    Some countries medical professionals are huge scammers, too, like Australia, where they fake vaccine reports for citizens just to get the medicare payout, and then patients are denied vaccines because they have too many on record lol. If that isn't low, I don't know what is (that literally happened to me, by two completely different doctors).
    Hell, I have really bad arthititis that was being diagnosed as depression for 2 years!!! And some undiagnosed conditons that have me mostly paralysed, but instead of scans and proper diagnosis, the doctor (who doesn't even know what autism is), is offended by how different I am and wants me to get psychological help instead of assisting me with the physical injuries that it took huge efforts for me to find a way around to visit him for lol.
    Some people got their medical license in a box of cereal, I'm afraid. This is why multiple diagnoss and second opinions is generally a good idea.

Children
  • I enjoy reading your perspectives and opinions and I am pleased that you have decided to invest your time to communicate these things with the forum.

    Unlike nas85657 I have very few tangible similarities to you and your described experience.....but on more intangible metrics, I feel we most certainly do.

    Best regards

    Number

  • I am digraphic and I most likely wrote wrong words in translation. I have ADHD. And major depression. I struggle a lot these days, really a lot. Forgive the mistakes but despite having other qualities I'm also wrong in my language and sometimes ADHD doesn't help me because I write too fast, and I think in images so I also have to translate from those into my language, and make myself understood in real time. I have sensory issues, which I try to control as much as I can.

  • Pleasure: Ian small premise: I am honored by being here with you. I hope to be up to the forum. I immediately received a pleasant feeling of this virtual place. So: medical errors in diagnosis of autism if well worked are very rare instead. I explain why. The diagnostic tests are oriented and cannot provide wrong results. They are specific. I don't know how things happen from you, maybe something is missing for diagnostics for adults, but in certain realities I see us too. In my region does not happen this. I explain about my diagnosis because it is the subject of scientific research, and those who have signed it work strictly with San Diego (USA) and many other US cities, and in other states of the world. He has been published all his team. of a short, long evaluation (I was sincerely exhausted) lasted 8 months. Insciiatra first visit, two hours. He has publications on natures and other accredited magazines. I thought he sent me away after minutes. I will have as HFA (Asperger has been a sub -category since 2013). His colets have several hundred publications. but to turn to the right specialized team that I suffered anxiety diagnoses. Of course, the diagnosis, but, were right, however, I was repeated 8 years to find out of the doctors formed, because you see, we are not so easy to frame from doctors not formed in this. It is not the diagnosis that is wrong, but they are the wrong people to whom the system directs us with default. At the time in Italy the psychiatry works well. If you do not have very serious compromises (low operation for example) to centers that are called by us for pervasive development disorders. A important thing: my psychiatrist who is a primary of two structures in the entire province works with other managers. erroneously that autism is only the low -functioning one. But it is its now updated formation that erods it. Basso and in the previous DSM we did not appear at all. The training in medicine from us includes over 10 years and 6 years of specialization and practice in the hospital. which also require 10 hours of study Gironaliero.Certo after the very important Lorna Wing resumed the witness from Hans Asperger should have been decidedly better at the orgarniization level. Also account for something about us in Italy. From the end of two centuries ago. Finus to 1980. In that year we implemented 5 all together. Three from 1952 onwards, and two appendices. So this was an impediment to saying the courses of study and has led to several training errors, also because in the DSM pre 1994 we did not appear at all. There were immense errors in medical nosography. First studies date back to 1916, then at 1926 the Russian neurologist Ewa Ssucharewane wrote in Italy in March 21, 2017.In a specific thread. It then went between the end of the world war between Hans Asperger 1944 and Leo Kanner 1943. was a great emptiness in the world research panorama. Now this no longer exists, however, doctors have specific tools even neuroimaging, blood tests, really many tests on unconventional batteries (they are not the same tests of psychiatric medicine usually in vogue). very large searches published, and great experts such as Anthony Attwood, and give the operations lines to their homologous all over the world that can afford to diagnose (some nations are not virtuous va va said). Excuse me Ian: I understand your considerations. But not on the diagnostic theme. In that if well experienced there are no errors. Before having official public diagnoses, I always wrote that I had not diagnosed, but it was the other autistic to Writing me to find yourself in many of the things I wrote if not in all. They really helped me their considerations. To understand what potentially I was (autistic) and what to do in my possible, in some things you can't do a lot or nothing, in many Others, on the other hand, are with our times, I don't know your indignation and also your violated sensitivity, and the difficulties suffered. I understand it all right, don't think I wrote to contrast your thread indeed! Even huge chances.Ti I write that in my diagnosis I responded to many tests. I have not managed to respond in that of mind theory at all.

    Like you, I suffered a wrong process, but it was the process that was wrong, not the doctors.
    
    It is clear that the many years of non-scientific research and attention to the public have created a wrong diagnostic phase.
    
    Diagnoses ranged only on comorbidities.
    Not on our condition: that's something else.
    
    I write to you that despite having suffered similar situations to yours, I don't blame the incompetence of the medical profession, but the total lack of specific guidelines until 1994.
    
    Then after yes: there was a delay in the nosographic implementation.
    
    Now the world in many states works very differently.
    
    That's why I wrote to you that you have a valid and not wrong diagnosis.
    
    The procedure and not the doctors before were wrong.
    
    Sorry I'm not good at writing in English, sorry all infinitely for this.
  • Bahaha oh yes! I don't think there's anyone I studied IT with who you'd want fixing your computer. I also didn't learn squat on that course. Hell I'm the only one that failed, and I actually know what I'm doing lol, failed on written work, memorising and repeating garbage was what I couldn't do.

  • Couldn't agree more. Based on personal observation experience and that of friends and relatives.

    Mind you I've met plenty of I.T. engineers also who have confirmed my lack of faith in the C.V. / application letter method of hiring that seems to be so popular.