A very quick hello

I don't have a lot to say, it feels more appropriate to 'lurk' to begin with, and get a feel for how the conversations work. I've always found online conversations easier than real-world ones though, so I hope that won't take long. (What does "real" even mean??)

I'm a 60-year-old male, not formally diagnosed but likely to seek this soon. When I asked my GP some years back about this he said "It won't get any better..." or something very similar. Which was very offputting. A more sympathetic member of the practice did make a referral to Royal Bethlehem but they wrote to me sometime later saying they didn't have enough information to proceed, which I think means they wrote to the GP asking for backing and were rebuffed. But I don't really know.

I retired recently, at age 60, because I just don't have the energy for work anymore. My last job was okay and the people I worked closest with were supportive and nice, but after decades of "this" I have had enough. It won't be easy financially but I just don't care anymore about that: I'll only get one crack at life, I think, and time is definitely against me. But it's not too late to be happy, I think, so I will have another try but from another direction. This settling down, having kids, blah blah blah thing didn't really work for me. What does seem to work, a bit, is meditation, so after quite a long time of being too busy I have made time for it and try to sit quietly for a while every day.

I'm currently waiting to start CBT which I hope might be helpful. And having said I won't have a lot to say that's probably enough for now. Thanks for reading.