Hi there from E, she/her. Intro and questions

Thanks Debbie 

Ups and downs.......but the ups definitely outweigh the downs.  If I did not consider this place a "safe place," rest assured that I would not be here writing this.

Again, welcome.

Thank you :) Both are good for me actually, whichever works best for you xx

Welcome

Thank you, I really appreciate that. There is indeed so very much to learn but finding a safe online community to add to my real life world is proving tricky as one of my posts above says, however there’s clearly lots of lovely people here so I’m enjoying to get to know a few and am dipping my toe into posting and replying. 

Hiya Sphinx. I’ve accepted your friend request and sent you a message, hope I’ve done it right. I’m happy to continue chatting to you that way if you like. Ta. Ex

Hey, great to hear from you again. I've messaged you privately, but wanted to reply here so we can keep the thread going. 
So glad you had a lovely evening, and that this contributed to a more peaceful night. Your point about how events/thoughts from the day can trigger nightmares hadn't actually occurred to me in my own experience, but of course it makes total sense. And I had one last night that was very much connected to thoughts over the past week or so. 

I'll have an explore of the controlling one's dreams thing and send you any good pointers I come across. Hopefully we might both find something helpful there, however small.

Yes, the thread on this community at the moment is painful, especially (as one responder sensitively and eloquently says) because this forum is a space where many come for refuge, connection, and solidarity in a world which isn't built with our needs and identities in mind. Also, there are such strong intersections between queerness and autieness (yes, autist is a great word by the way!) that the prejudice is both horrible and baffling. There are big pockets where we are welcomed though - I hope we can both continue to grow the ones we have begun to open. 

I'm so sorry people have outed you. It's such a vulnerable, core facet of who we are, having it violated in that way must be awful. Especially given that you've shared this, I really appreciate your courage in coming out on this thread. Thank you. 

There's more I could say, but maybe if you're up for it I could save that for our messages? No pressure of course. 

I hope today brings you as much calm and beauty as yesterday <3 

Alice-nice-Alice said:

I volunteer as a kitten socialiser. I have a gift for this it seems

With this in mind, I suspect you are a lovely human,  irrespective of what letters  have been assigned to you in terms of dx Au CPTSD or whatever else. 

Welcome to this place, I hope you will be happy here and learn lots.  I certainly have.

Hi again. How lovely to log in to find your latest post to me. I’d picked up on the high/low functioning thing but hadn’t really understood it so your explanation is very helpful. Ta. 

No nightmares at all last night, we had such a beautiful evening after both having a really positive day for various reasons. I find that my nightmares are often triggered an event(s) or thought(s) in the day but what they then do is plumb all the past abuse and trauma to generate their emotional and occasionally visual response. We are working hard especially on making my evenings positive and funny times, nothing heavy and nothing triggering and it’s really helping. 

Any links you can find would be fab 

Something unexpected and disappointing I’m finding as I try to engage with the online autism community is the shocking amount of prejudice directed from fellow autists (can I use that word?) towards both other minorities and even people they disagree with, there is for example a thread in this community right now with all sorts of judgement against the lgbt++ community. Unfortunately this reflects my real life experiences too and even recently an autistic guy outed me very publicly to a group of strangers (I choose very carefully who and where I share my L&T situation),  I try really hard not to stereotype or judge people as it’s happened endlessly to me and I know how hurtful it is, but these behaviours make this commitment hard to execute. Which of course drags us into the whole debate about whether or not our medical, and mental and personality and autism conditions are an excuse for bad behaviour, cruelty, abuse. It’s a difficult one isn’t it!

The kittens were awesome as ever, it truly is every bit as beautiful as can be imagined. I am so very grateful to have this gift, one completely different to my language and number skills. 

E xxx

Hey :) 
Thanks so much for annother very generous and open response. 

Firstly, I realised I forgot to mention another linguistic point in my original reply: most people in the community have a strong dislike of high- and low-functioning labels. It's arguably much more compassionate to refer to high- and minimal support needs, on the understanding that this can change from situation to situation. The 'functioning' thing often seems connected with learning difficulties, which are not caused by a person being autistic. 

Nightmares can be so distressing. I'm incredibly glad to hear you have such a supportive partner. (I'm also a member of the LGBTQ+ community, so it's extra lovely to connect.) I've heard it's possible to learn to control our dreams, but haven't yet explored this for myself, but if you'd like I can do some initial digging and drop you some links? It sounds like a potentially complex process though, so if you have lots of other things taking up space in your mind maybe this is an exploration for the future.

Your kitten volunteering sounds wonderful. Lots of autistic people seem to have this magical gift with non-human animals, (sadly I do not). I hope that can offer some relief and beauty. 

xxx 

Thank you so very much, that is incredibly helpful and I will do my best to use this approach. Interestingly many, the majority probably, in the bipolar community rage against the identity first approach and it is frowned upon to say “I am bipolar” and we are expected to “live with” or “have” bipolar. I have never subscribed to their perspective and have always been clear on the identity first approach, though I didn’t understand the term then. 

At present the nightmares are probably my biggest problem, there was a dreadful one again last night, it was all connected with conflict,  it’s the emotions and feelings in them not their imagery which is destroying me. I’ve just made some notes about this for Monday’s psychology appointment. In the past they have pretty regularly spiralled me through anxiety into full on panic resulting in dreadful interactions with 111/999/paramedics/a&e but thankfully I have the most loving and caring partner now and she is incredibly intuitive about how to help in these (and so many) situations so last night after a couple of hours close to her I was able to detach from the nightmare and sleep a little, but only maybe three hours. 

I’ve already appreciated the pathologising you refer to and feel that it is wrong. 

Im at Cats Protection today where I volunteer as a kitten socialiser. I have a gift for this it seems, well I know I do, and having been promoted into maternity maybe six months ago it’s even more amazing than ever. The wing is just calm quiet beauty, such low stimulation, except the purring 

E xxx

It means being autistic and ADHD, It's not from DSM, it's how I prefer it, I've seen as well other versions of it.

I learnt a lot from youtube channel alongside from here. But I wasn't looking for PD specifically. Most 'universal' channel I found, and very well made and explained www.youtube.com/.../Autistamatic

Thanks for this input, until recent days I didn’t even know AuDHD was a thing but I’m open to learn, so thank you

Hi, 
Welcome to the community :) It's brave and generous of you to share all this. Sounds like things are indeed very complex and tough.

I don't have PD, so apologies for not being able to help/advise there. I also get frequent nightmares and know how tough this can be. I haven't found anything that helps, but sending lots of solidarity. 

In terms of language, (hi from a fellow artist by the way!) I think the main thing in the community is that most of us prefer identity-first language, (I am Autistic) rather than person-first language (I have Autism, or I am a person with Autism.) The latter tends to be used by non-Autistic researchers and other professionals, but it implies that we somehow 'carry Autism around with us' like a virus or other illness. For many of us, that's not how it feels, and we're trying to move conversations on from such pathologised views. 

The diagnostic criteria's phrasing is also very pathologised, and the community tends to use things like 'special interests' rather than 'repetitive or restricted interests' and 'stims' rather than 'repetitive or restricted movements.' Those criteria are very deficits-based, and recognising our strengths by challenging such language is arguably really imimportant. 

I hope that makes sense and helps a little. Messages on here aren't very accessible for me right now, but would be great that talk further in this thread if there's anything else you'd like to discuss. I'm glad you have a good support network, but connecting with the community is invaluable, at least for me :) 

I'm AuDHD, so I can confirm, that ADHD and autism are affecting each other, so it is probably similar for you. Some things strenghten themselves, some counteract, some negate.

I'm not sure |if I've seen anyone here who is autistic and PD