Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
I live up north, though originally from down south. I'm newly diagnosed (yesterday) and just received my report. The report seems accurate and I'm not surprised or in disagreement with any of it. The recommendations though just seem to be a bit generic, I think I was hoping for something more personalised, so I'm wondering what other people did post-diagnosis?
Should I work on non-verbal communication and socio-emotional reciprocity or not? I know since the pandemic I've struggled to put the mask back on, so I just want to be free of all of that now.....
I also do some poetry/spoken word - here's something I wrote yesterday called 'Diagnosis':
And suddenly I wasn't on the waiting list anymoreAnd it's not like someone switched the light on and I could seeIt's more that someone switched the light offThe one in the back of the roomThat had been flickering and buzzingAnnoying and distracting meWhilst I wondered why no-one else seemed able to see or hear itWhy no-one else was bothered by itIt was goneAnd I was free just to be who I amJust to be me
I love your poem, thanks for sharing! And welcome to the forum. I’m afraid that that light may fade back up again, as there’s no magic bullet here. Just empathic support where you can find your tribe (here!) and self-advocacy in environments where you know sensory overwhelm or masking have you like an anxious leaky battery the most.
My report was the same. Thorough, conclusive, a helpful and relieving diagnosis. But with nothing too bespoke off the back of it - mostly numbers and websites largely pitched towards parental support with autistic kids, not adults already ‘coping’. But hopefully you’ll be able to make more sense of your life, fit all the pieces together better, and re-frame some ‘I’m bad at this stuff’ to ‘I’ve done pretty well here, considering!’ For me, that last part is the crucial one.
Thanks! I write to express myself quite a lot. The last few days is the most positive I've been for a while.
Today for example I didn't beat myself up for spending all day yesterday playing a computer game, like I normally would have. I accepted that's what I needed to do to give myself some space.
Not a big reader but just started trying to read a book called Unmasking Autism and read onee whilst waiting for diagnosis called Growing into Autism that I found helpful.
Apologies for the delay in replying, I just realised that reply notifications were going to my junk folder. Recently I've mostly been playing Crusader Kings III, I tend to like games like that or Civilisation and Tropico. I used to play some online games but not for a while.
Will check out those videos - thanks! Good luck with the book :)
Your life seems to be in sync with mine. I got my report last week, was pretty underwhelmed. Half of it was just a copy of what I'd written in the questionnaire. Which I might have written differently if I had known it was going in my permanent medical record!
And I am also coping by playing games. I got the Oddworld collection for Christmas so I blatted through the first one of those. What are you playing?
Also I've been watching Aucademy videos which have been kind of mind blowing. Just watching a bunch of autistic discuss all things autism, communicating in their wonderful autistic way whilst stimming as much as they like and making room for everyone to say their part.
Oh, and forgot to say that I love your poem! Nice analogy, and you've captured the feeling so well. I'm also trying to write an autistic fantasy novel. It's going slowly, but it's going.