6th Form

NAS36510 said:

literally has no idea how the world works

Every parent says that about their teenager and every teenager says that about their parent. They are both right. The world you knew growing up is gone. You don't understand his world. The world he lives in is a bubble. He doesn't understand the world he'll find after education.

NAS36510 said:

He has decided that he is non binary and has changed his name in school.

If it's a phase he'll grow out of it. If it's something more isn't it better for you to try and understand it?

NAS36510 said:

No interest in anything other than his playstation. He does absolutely nothing!! 

Again most parents say this about their kids. Does he really do nothing? Does he get his school work in on time? Then he does plenty. School is a full time jobs for kids these days it's lucky if they can fit time for recreation in around it.

NAS36510 said:

He's been given so much freedom now in school he's become very arrogant! He is throwing temper tantrums when he doesn't get his own way.

Having opinions that contradict adults and saying so does not make someone arrogant. You're going to have to get into specifics if you want any more insight than that from me.

NAS36510 said:

literally has no idea how the world works

Every parent says that about their teenager and every teenager says that about their parent. They are both right. The world you knew growing up is gone. You don't understand his world. The world he lives in is a bubble. He doesn't understand the world he'll find after education.

NAS36510 said:

He has decided that he is non binary and has changed his name in school.

If it's a phase he'll grow out of it. If it's something more isn't it better for you to try and understand it?

NAS36510 said:

No interest in anything other than his playstation. He does absolutely nothing!! 

Again most parents say this about their kids. Does he really do nothing? Does he get his school work in on time? Then he does plenty. School is a full time jobs for kids these days it's lucky if they can fit time for recreation in around it.

NAS36510 said:

He's been given so much freedom now in school he's become very arrogant! He is throwing temper tantrums when he doesn't get his own way.

Having opinions that contradict adults and saying so does not make someone arrogant. You're going to have to get into specifics if you want any more insight than that from me.

Hi Peter, firstly can I thank you for your response. Secondly could I reword my post. Your reply hit a nerve with me, so I re read my post and I was horrified. I sounded like the world's worst mother with no understanding or patience. That is absolutely not the case, so let me start again.

I have fought all my sons life to get people to understand his autism. Fought to get the world to fit into his world. Fought for understanding and acceptance. I have armed myself with every possible research and resource I could to understand him and his world. I have spent the last 13 years working with autistic children, and learning every day.

When I wrote the original post I was angry, upset, terrified, exhausted and completely lost. I was at the end of my teather and looking for help.

So with regards to the non binary, I have been as supportive as I possibly can. I have given permission for school to change his name. I do not refer to him by the name I gave him. I do not buy birthday cards with son on. As difficult as it is, I am trying to be supportive even though I don't understand it.

Your comment about the world I grew up in hit home for me. It made me realise that for the past few months I have been trying to make him fit into this world. Its something I've never done before, and honesty didn't realise I was doing now. My dilemma now is how do you prepare an autistic teenager for the outside world. He wants to go to university in 2 years, which absolutely terrifies me. At the moment he goes to school, does very little as some days he only has one lesson, comes home and plays on his ps4. As you pointed out, all parents complain their teenagers are lazy, what I'm having trouble with is differentiating between being a teenager and his autism. 

I have absolutely no experience of autistic teenagers. This is why I'm looking for help. How do I prepare him for the outside world that is out of my control? How do I teach him that there are things in life that he has to do, like personal hygiene, washing his dishes, organising himself.

As for him being arrogant, which is probably too strong a word, but what I mean is, he has his opinion and if someone doesn't agree with it he looks down his nose at them. He is always right and doesn't understand if anyone disagrees with him. The new found freedom that has come with being in the 6th form has made him cocky. He has always been opinionated and I have always encouraged him to question things if he disagrees or doesn't understand. These last few weeks though he has become completely self-absorbed and loosing his temper when he doesn't get his own way. Slamming doors, breaking things, smashing up his room! He is now over 6ft, a foot taller than me so he's very intimidating when he is in a temper. 

These are all the unknown to me now. I need to know how to teach him independence, how to prepare him for the outside world. This is why I'm asking for help, just to give him the best start to the next chapter of his life