Looking to chat to parents with verbal children

Thankyou for your reply 

Self-control seems like a difficult skill to acquire. My son (11 now) is still struggling to find his own strategies to master this and feels guilty when he doesn't which causes a drop in self-esteem.. Patience! He lately turns his lack of self-control sometimes against himself like biting his own finger or slaming his own face with his hands. I try to teach him to be more indulgent with himself (he needs to remove guilt before he can deal with reasoning) and try to recognize when he needs a break before he reaches meltdown stage but he has problems feeling internal signs of overload before it is too late. He is however slowly improving each year...    

Thankyou for you reply, bless your daughter, my son also finds activities hard to change. He has very very low self esteem and reassurance is given all the time. He rocked a lot of a baby and toddler but has seemed to have outgrown it. If he is excited he comes and a very big high. Can’t not contain his excitement and becomes very fidgety and the noises are out of control. 
good luck with your assessments 

Hello!

We have a daughter who is younger than your son (4.5) and are currently awaiting an appointment with the paediatric development team for assessment. She has suspected high functioning ASD / Aspergers.

Our daughter has always been sensitive to loud noises from a very young age. At her 2 year review (over the phone because of COVID), I raised this as well as issues with aggressive biting (parents only) and a few other things (e.g. needing routine).

She will not speak to other children (at school or with us) even when they are in her face trying to get her attention - she appears not to recognise social cues in that respect. She is verbal, loves maths and reading etc. People describe her as 'always on the go'.

When excited / overwhelmed she either shakes or jumps up and down flapping her hands, then becomes non-verbal for example licking us, or making random noises (usually meowing/woofing). She has difficulty transitioning between activities at home, or when planned / non-planned routine changes. Her eye contact is limited.

When overstimulated / tired, she sometimes spins in circles  and has difficulty switching off and calming down for sleep.

Recently she told us colours have an order, and the other day she sorted all her toys in the bath in colour groups after the bath was emptied.

The Health Visitor did the ages & stages questionnaires with us and on the social/emotional she scored 190, minimum for referral is 95.

But our main problem at the moment is biting/hitting etc. She bites because she finds it difficult to express her feelings. We have tried trying to get her to tell us how she feels, but to no avail. She only bites us, and all reports from preschool / school say they have never seen this behaviour from her.

It's so hard when the become like this, isn't it? We find friends and family don't really understand.

I hope you get on well with your appointments and that the school is supportive.

Thankyou for getting back to me, I’m trying to read up as much as I can to understand autism as we was so sure he had ADHD so to hear he had autism was abit of a shock. Have you been what level of autism your your son has? I will definitely make some things with him so he can hopefully tell us how he’s feeling. 

My son was diagnosed with Autism on Tuesday.  He is almost the same.except he is confident but has anxiety.  He is sensory in his ears and mouth.  He is wonderful at school where they do not believe him to be autistic.  When he comes home he has massive melt downs which ends in physical attacks on his siblings.

The consultant spoke to him and said being angry is OK, but being aggressive isn't.  He needed to find a safe place to calm down.  He chose the garden and his room.

He goes to TKD which the consultant said was good for him to learn to channel his aggression and was really pleased that he had a kick pad at home so he could hit that instead of his siblings.

It is really hard because he loves to shout and scream at me and hits and bites and kicks.  It's like something his switched in his head.  He can be lovely and calm one minute and then a ball of rage the next.

I could really do with some help and advice as well because I sometimes wonder what I am doing wrong for him to feel this anger.

He loves fidget things and I've made a box full of them and ordered a £20 box from the Internet.  He also made a feelings jar at school and he will shake that and the object is to watch the glitter settle as he calms.  It's just a jam jar with coloured water and glitter.  It's sealed so it can't be opened.  He also has a feelings fan which he shows us how he is feeling if he is too far gone to tell us.

My son could also have Pathological Demand Avoidance which is where they avoid doing what they are being told.  Since I've changed how I speak to him, it's been better and the consultant has agreed.  There's loads online about that.