Husband highly likely to be on the autism spectrum

Tough one this.....luckily i found out in time.  My behavior was erratic when things got too much, obviously my wife didnt understand and neither did i.  Unless he is made aware of it, things wont get better for sure.  Self awareness is hugely important on both sides.  He will probably have communication problems with you and visa versa....... best bet is to discuss your suspicions with him.

not being able to get through to them anymore?

The word 'Anymore' jumps out at me. Could I ask how long you have been married and when you last felt that you could get through to him ?

Yeah probably my wife  

Honest and open conversations and willingness on both sides to try to understand each other and make allowances is key. We're working through these problems now ourselves and it has been and continues to be tough but I have hope that common ground can be found if both sides want it.

I hope things work out for you.

You will have communication differences, unfortunately. I'm female, autistic and hear its hard. The key is interpretation and finding fundamental core human elements which we all share. 

Things have changed drastically over the last 40 years as society shifts its values. 

It doesn't need to be soul destroying if both individuals commit to some basic principles like seeking to understand or asking the other how they best feel respect. The hardest part could be working out if he actually is.