Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi,
I'm 30 female British Indian waiting for autism assessment on NHS, long waits. Also waiting for counselling and talking therapy. Thinking of going private because the wait n the NHS is annoying me. I am highly sensitive and believe I have asperger's (high level functioning autism). I struggle to enjoy life, no friends, not close to family as most of them ignore me and don't accept the real me. I hate the cultural pressures to conform and the stigma around autism and mental health in my family. I hate the pressures of having to mask all the time just to please everyone else and blend in. I am thinking of quitting me job but not sure what to do with my life. I need answers and a diagnosis asap before things get worse. My dad might also have autism but he's in denial and they all reacted negatively when I tried telling them I think I have autism. I might have to cut ties with them soo and run away. I'm scared and anxious about my future life. I'm not sure I can have a happy life.
Sharon
If you can afford it, go private. I couldn’t afford it lol, but I did it anyway, for my daughter and then myself. It was necessary. And I feel so much better. No, I’m not cured, I’m still anxious, I still avoid things, I struggle with other things, but I am me. I’m more aware of myself, and I put myself first. Life is gentler. And yes, I’m quite proud being Autistic.
Try not to be too quick with decisions affecting work. Give yourself time to get the diagnosis and think about things. You will then be able to make adjustments or such like as needed….
Family might come around when they know more about ASD. Maybe you can leave something out for them to stumble across? It’s not easy to hear that you may be Autistic, so your father is probably doing all he can to ignore it. It’s easier than coming to terms with it. Leave him to his own devices and focus on you. You’ll come out the other side and feel better for it.
I'm sorry to hear this. I couldn't afford private autism assessment, but I've had private therapy and I'd recommend considering it if it's a financial option, as therapy on the NHS has a long waiting list and then usually a fixed end-point.
In terms of your future life, don't give up hope. A happier life is possible, but it might take a while to get there. Take one day at a time.
I am aware, I have a friend who is an autistic Sri Lankan woman, that autistic people from South Asia have greater problems from cultural and family pressures than most. I think getting a clinical diagnosis is probably the most important thing to do. The medical profession is well respected in South Asian societies, so having a 'piece of paper' saying that you are autistic will give you some leverage. At least your autism cannot be ignored within your family, if you have a diagnosis. I had a private diagnosis, and if you can afford it, I would recommend that route. I certainly have no regrets in paying for both myself and my daughter to be assessed.
Hi, and welcome. Yes its a long wait unfortunately, though hold out for the NHS one as its preferable to a private one. A diagnosis won't change your family/cultural circumstances, sadly this a world-wide things for many autistic people from different cultures and backgrounds, you may want to read about it online and Twitter has many autist people talking about these things, as the cultural consequences of having autism can be worse than just everyday abelism that most face . You have analysed your situation so you know its going to be difficult, though try and gain strength by accepting these things aren't in your control, only you are, and for now try and read about these things and connect with autistic people, especially those who know your own culture issues, pressures, and consequences, and try and gain strength. Cutting ties and running might feel the right answer, but if that really was what you wanted then its the sort of thing to plan the best thing to do rather than just do out of panic.
https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/what-is-autism/autism-and-bame-people
See if there are any helplines anywhere that might help even if not necessarily because of autism but other/similar reasons.
Explore all options - that's pretty much the autistic way when finding support.
Hi
Scenario many of us followed in the past
If you want to go private you'd have to pay a lot for it
Yes you can be happy after diagnosis, self understanding is required for tranquility, and cutting trees down possibly too
so. don't panic, you'll have to be patient any way
It is what it is