Hello

I had exactly those thoughts, but a bit younger than you. In my case after casting about for a useful body of knowledge to get me exactly what you express a need for. Companionship and love.

I was undiagnosed of course, so everything was shrouded in mystery, at least until I discovered "transactional analysis".

Essentially the ideas are that everyone has three basic perspectives on life.  A childlike one, and adult self actualised one, and the one imprinted on you by your parents.These perspectives radically affect how you process situations and events, and you can consciously shift from one to another more helpful and appropriate ego state, once you understand how it works. 

But the really neat thing I found in his seminal book, was how he had deconstructed many basic human lifestyles and ways of being and interacting. I was able to see how previously incomprehensible things like small talk  worked, and why there were limits to it, etc.

I also learned how people expected me to express and conduct myself in matters of love and other human interactions, and it gave me something to do for about 3 years until people started falling in love with ME for a change... And THAT brings it's own problems..

Don't get me wrong, of course you could use that knowledge to become what I believe is called a "player", and just go for the relationship, but I wanted to make myself a genuinely nicer person, and that has proven to be a job that really took more years than I care to count, before I even became "acceptable".

Being a nice, positive, and useful person is way harder for me than being a miserable twat, I quickly found out. Still at least I am Autistic, I can face unpleasant truths about myself, and my life. That's half way to fixing it already...

And if you have not got one already, an animal companion, AKA "pet" is a much more gentle introduction to responsibility and interactions occurring at a pace you do not control. A big challenge for us with relationships, of course. as is well known.

I do hope there's some stuff here that's helpful to you. 

Thanks for the book recommendation, I'll check it out when I can afford it. I already have a pet cat. What I miss about having someone around the house is the randomness that another person introduces (their taste in music, tv shows, hobbies, food, etc), and the opportunity for some occasional human contact, as much as I love my cat, he's not exactly a great listener nor can he hug me. Being alone long term means that life can feel like groundhog day sometimes.

"Games people play" is practically free on ebay, and someone a month back posted a link where they had found it F.O.C.

I don't DO expensive or ineffective solutions..

And your cat experience sounds a little incomplete (O.K. massively incomplete) it takes a while, (more than six months with this one so far) but once your cat sees you as a close companion rather than an "owner", you DO get comfort when you are own, and other true emotional reactions. The biggest problems a lot of humans have with their pets is thinking of them as "furry robots" with no sense of self, or community. I've found it hard to believe just how "emotionally intelligent" cats can be. The cat who really made an effort to get me up to speed had seven "services" he liked me to perform and worked out ways of telling me or my partner which one he wanted. (I am not alone in my madness, she started out not wanting a cat, or seeing them as having much companion potential..) Again, there is a lot of information out there in books etc.

My mate who just discovered his Aspergers in his seventies, was really f***ed up emotionally economically etc, which drove him to use his public library for information gathering. He seems to have a nice casual surface relationship with his librarian, who suggests books for him very sucessfully. .

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I know how to code,, in few ancient languages, and I understand any programming language, among modern I learnt only syntax in visual basic, to write macros for myself, and a start java, but I don't push mysel;f, because it's the same problem as with human languages

20 years of not using and language vocabulary evaporates from my head

after granpas died, I cried out oceans, they're completely dry now,

while my family had experienced great turmoil and division who gets how much, fields, and cattle sold, only house left

and than true dark ages of my life begun ;/

30 cats! bloody hell that's a lot of cats to take care of! I could barely manage 2.

It's never too late to learn how to code, there's loads of resources out there for free these days, all the tools can be had for free, plus tutorials, forums, online courses, etc...

I like growing stuff, my mum used to send me to my grandads allotment every now and again but I never really learned much from him, I keep thinking about getting back into it, but can never seem to find time.

Must have been very difficult time for your family after your granpa passed. I'm sorry to hear that.

my first  7 years  sorrounded by 30 cats, and every stray or neighbour's cat ever since 

I know how to speak 'cat' language innately you could say

me too, | would love to get a start as programmer, or just anything that requires brain

but my granpa groomed me become his succesor on a farm so I know a lot about animals and growing stuff

he died when I was 11, no will, you can imagine what can happen with to many my mom's sibilings

How long have you been practicing as a cat specialist?

I'm a computer programmer (not professionally, but maybe someday) because I have trouble figuring out lifeforms in general, too much unpredictability for me to make sense of :)

I'm a cat specialist :D, and one of my friends is dog specialist

and together we're trying to figure out how to help him become even better dad and he is amazing at it already 

I used to be kids specialist too, but I don't practise anymore (nobody likes old nannys :P)

but grownups that's a massive bold question mark to me

I'm a cat specialist :D, and one of my friends is dog specialist

and together we're trying to figure out how to help him become even better dad and he is amazing at it already 

I used to be kids specialist too, but I don't practise anymore (nobody likes old nannys :P)

but grownups that's a massive bold question mark to me

I know how to code,, in few ancient languages, and I understand any programming language, among modern I learnt only syntax in visual basic, to write macros for myself, and a start java, but I don't push mysel;f, because it's the same problem as with human languages

20 years of not using and language vocabulary evaporates from my head

after granpas died, I cried out oceans, they're completely dry now,

while my family had experienced great turmoil and division who gets how much, fields, and cattle sold, only house left

and than true dark ages of my life begun ;/

30 cats! bloody hell that's a lot of cats to take care of! I could barely manage 2.

It's never too late to learn how to code, there's loads of resources out there for free these days, all the tools can be had for free, plus tutorials, forums, online courses, etc...

I like growing stuff, my mum used to send me to my grandads allotment every now and again but I never really learned much from him, I keep thinking about getting back into it, but can never seem to find time.

Must have been very difficult time for your family after your granpa passed. I'm sorry to hear that.

my first  7 years  sorrounded by 30 cats, and every stray or neighbour's cat ever since 

I know how to speak 'cat' language innately you could say

me too, | would love to get a start as programmer, or just anything that requires brain

but my granpa groomed me become his succesor on a farm so I know a lot about animals and growing stuff

he died when I was 11, no will, you can imagine what can happen with to many my mom's sibilings

How long have you been practicing as a cat specialist?

I'm a computer programmer (not professionally, but maybe someday) because I have trouble figuring out lifeforms in general, too much unpredictability for me to make sense of :)