Published on 12, July, 2020
I've been struggling with stress and anxiety for some time but it's only the last 3 or 4 years I've realised what is happening to me is anxiety. About two years ago I've read a fiction book which had an asperger character in it. That was a big revelation for me.Since then I've been researching autism and I suspect I'm on the sprectrum too. I've been waiting for a diagnosis for about 20 months. It's a very weird situation as to the outside world I am normal but I feel that I'm different in many ways. I've told a few people in my family and a couple of my friends know but at first they all shake their heads in doubt. They can't beleive it. Except my husband, who has been very supportive. I think he understands me as he is quite similar to me. And he has to listen to me complaining all the time. Poor him!
I hope to find someone here in a similar situation so that I can discuss my feelings. I'm in my forties, married, have two children. I have a job too. So to the outside world I'm a successful woman.
But I feel tense all the time. Many things annoy me: mess, noise, sjoring, light, smell, shouting and arguing just to name a few. Have meltdowns about tiny details. I get bored and stressed in social situations. I love order, tidy spaces, books, swimming and walks in the countryside.
I take everyting word for word, this causes tension at my workplace, for me especially, the others find it funny. Most of the time I know when they joke but even though I know it, the way I reply suggests I took the comment literally.
I've put this down for many years for the fact that I'm a foreigner, I came to the UK in my mid twenties. But I'm beginning to realise that this belief was helping me to mask my weirdness.
Anyway, thank you for reading my introduction which is rather long, sorry, but I find it hard to get to the point and summarize the main things.
Welcome. I hear you. Best advice for you (in my opinion) is to just stick around on these pages and see what pops out and resonates with you. Give it a good few weeks - this community, like all communities, seems to go through periods of banality and drama from time to time......but the folk here are "sound" (in my opinion.)
Like you, many people here are "perfectly normal" to the outside world.....but here we have agency and scope to explore the underlying "otherness" of our true selves. It is very freeing.......presumably, for the autistic souls who inhabit these pages.
Hope to see you around.
Number.
Hi Number, thanks for replying to me. I have not been back to the forum since last year but now that I've got my diagnosis I really would like to chat to people who are in the same situation. I'm tired of explaining to friends and family (some of whom are very supportive, some don't seem to show any interest) what this means and how I feel but they don't get it. I don't understand why they don't have the urge to learn more about Autism and Asperger's the minute they hear that I am diagnosed. I guess because they don't crave learning the way I do and also because I don't look autistic.
I probably should have used I don't "act" like someone who is recognizably autistic by the general public. (English is not my mother tongue.). Even my closest family members (parents, brother, husband, sister in law and 2 of my long term friends said straight away when I had told them I was waiting for an assessment that I was not autistic. When I asked how did they know they did not know what to say. Diagnosing females with Asperger's is so new that not many people know about it. That's why I'm hoping to meet people to whom I don't need to give some background information to the topic I wish to talk about.
It is more like how the individual feels, thinks or communicates. I've just started my transitioning and I'm still trying to understand who I am.
Nature fan said: I guess because they don't crave learning the way I do and also because I don't look autistic.
Welcome back.
That's an interesting comment.
I'm not sure what autistic 'looks' like at the 'high functioning' (for lack of a better term) level.