Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello. I'm new here.
I am a high school student with suspected autism (my local mental health service suggested to my parents that I should have an assessment).
I've had issues with social communication for a long time and I feel I have become more withdrawn since I started my high school a few years ago.
At my last school I had one best friend, we were inseparable for 4 years, and I also developed a close group of friends who I got on well with.
I've tried hard to make friends at my new school for a few years but nothing has 'clicked' like with my best friend.
Now I'm quite lonely and I get really sad about simple things that I did with my friend like waiting in the line for the canteen, playing music together etc.
Since I left the school, I have kept in contact with my friend but it's not the same.
Also I saw my friend at a sports event, laughing with a new friend. This made me feel really sad inside because that person with my friend used to be me, and I was just sat on my own on the opposite side.
I now just accept that I probably won't share these kinds of moments again with anyone. It also doesn't help because my sibling has a best friend too, I feel so jealous and sad that they can make friends so easily.
I then started feeling like I'd done something wrong, maybe my friend didn't like me (because I think was a bit bossy sometimes when I was at school with them).
I feel like people judge me for being alone as well. I sometimes get comments like 'that kid' which make me feel like I'm not in the room.
Sorry about this, but I just needed to get this out of my head.
Thank you.
Hi,
Don't apologise, we are all here to listen and help if we can. It's very tough to find yourself alone especially after having experienced the beauty of being friends with someone that you 'click' with. I am actually in a similar situation at the moment and it is very hard: I had no friends at school but I met a few people that I connected with at university and made some close friends- However after 5 years at the same university I moved abroad in September and I also feel isolated and like the odd one out at work. I still keep in touch with my friends virtually though- It is different to seeing someone in person but can be very nice and it does have its advantages- though I miss being able to see and talk to someone more spontaneously and small things like walking and going to lectures together etc..
The situation at the sports event sounds hard- Did your friend know that you were at the event too? Did they actually see you?
I wouldn't give up hope that you will be friends with someone again and share those moments with them- it's possible that it might not be with someone at your new school but there are people out there that you can connect with- it's a matter of finding them. For me a new world opened when I went to university where I met people I connected with - what I learnt is that it's probably most likely to meet people you connect with through some kind of a shared interest. Are there any extracurricular activities or non-school activities that you enjoy, where you could maybe meet some like-minded people? I know it's not that easy- I am seeing this myself at the moment and realising how lucky I was to have gone to university where I did- it can be hard to even put yourself in situations where you could meet people and it's ok to not feel up to doing that.
It's sad and unfair that people seem to judge you at school- for some reason people seem to sense differences- I used to sit alone at school (for example lunch time) or I would hide in the library at breaks... then I started sitting with a group of people at lunch as I also felt judged for sitting on my own (it seemed to make my difference even more visible)- however sitting with people was even worse- I could not connect and understand the group discussions and it actually made me feel more isolated and alone- and everyone still felt that I was different- I wish I had been more accepting of myself and let myself sit alone- I would have been more comfortable and true to myself and anyways I was just as alone sitting in that group.
It sounds like a very difficult situation and I wish I could help. There are people out there that you will connect with and I hope you will find them soon. Do you still have a long time left at your new school?
Sending you lots of strength!! Best, Ann